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Friday, November 24, 2006
I dunno why but everytime when there's something good to look forward to, i tend to get pist off easily.. I'm pist for the fact tht i'm jealous. . Jealous of wad? Well, tht's up to u to decide.. My heart juz filled with rage together with anger and i think if i tend to blow up to any1, ppl will juz condammed me for sure. I hate this attitude of mine, It's been gng on for days.
I need some1 juz to comfort me.. Stress-free myself out.. This envyness is drivin me crazy. My emotions tend to snap off easily.. I have a heart of danger, danger tht i can make someone hate me for sure. I think it's due to the stress in camp.. Why do i hav to feel this way? wad can i do to make it go away?? It's drvin me crazy.. I apologise if i made any1 pist off with me.. It's juz my human nature..
Hiaz..
topsy turvy-ed @ 11:10 PM
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Good morning guys, juz got back from camp on this Sunday mornin after being confined "for no good reason!" Yes, i got confined again for the 2nd time in my recruit life. Why? It's becuz 2 ass-holes in my Rota were caught smoking, and we were all too be blame. The funny thing is, why muz we be confined for somethin tht we didn't do?? They said once "Who caught smokin will be sent straight to DB!" Where's tht action? Why they didn't send these 2 idiots there? How the fuck does this system works??
Becuz of these 2, my plans for my weekends were shattered and i'm not even happy, with my own rota, which has been givin lots of problems, honestly, we are such a disgrace in this Firefighting course. I felt tht way too, no1 seems to co-operate at all.. They don't give a damm, after all the punishment tht were given by our SIR, i don't think it's enough for them. I had enough, and I'm not well..
6 more weeks, 6 more weeks in this crappy place and a very intensive and stressful course. I'm stressed up, i can't even get my brains straighten up, no 1 seems to care except for 1, and i'm thankful to tht person for hearing my cries.. Thank you very much.. I dunno how much stress can i handle, with the people, with the theory and practical, there's too much things for me to handle. I'm on a verge to do somethin that i wouldn't wanna do, but I will if i hav no other choice. But is it worth it for me? I need some1 to REALLY talk to me abt the situation i'm in. I need a damm good solution to get my mental brains fixed. I need help. . .
Dad has been receving court letters, and i'm very worried and been thinkin wad's gonna happen next.
My sister, i haven't seen her for almost 2 weeks, where the hell is she? I need updates from you, your blog stated u've been okay.. Seen tht smile on ur face, but in family wise, where are you?
To whom it may Concern....
I lost words for you,
I lost my confidence in you,
It's your life,
I can't control tht.
I hope u wake up to your senses 1 day.
I give up on you.
I'm disappointed in you,
I've tried,
and it was never good enough.
The day tht i hope you'll listen,
will never be here.
The day you show your appreciation,
will never be spoken.
Thanks for all tht. . .
One day when u're ready,
I'm here to listen,
Again. . . . . .
topsy turvy-ed @ 11:15 AM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
This is a photo of me, recently taken. Look how ugly it is.. Hahaha.. Well, here are some updates abt me.
Things are not really going well for me at my firefighting course. I never really face a period of so much stress and pressure. I've managed to survived my 4 weeks in firefighting course and i have 8 more weeks to die there.. My bunkmates are juz worst than the previous ones at BRTC. Here in CDA, they don't really give tht much welfare, they fucked u upside down whenever u made a mistake. I'm not mentally strong. I juz felt tht my "mad" switch can go on anytime. Hiaz, i'm worried abt the weeks to come. Training is going to more tougher in weeks to come. I've learnt lots of stuffs for the past 4 weeks. Never trust any1.
Family. They say in order to keep the family bond stronger, u must never missed tht important essence, communication. Lots of downfall has been happenin in my family. Updates which i nvr been informed till i got myself booked out. My17 year old sister has been facing major problems of her own which she eventually put her life in jeopardy. I dunno wad has she's been up to until fights broke out. Not only tht, 2 years from now, i'm ready to face the biggest event tht i dun want it to happen but it leaves my mother with no choice. Migrating. I'm not the 1 who is migrating of course, but the bond as us siblings are. A part of me says i dun want them to leave, but this time there's no way out from this situation. I didn't know this day wud come and i didn't expect myself to face a lot of mishaps happenin around me. I've been keepin it from my friends, cuz i dun even know who to talk to other thn myself with this blog. I'm totally shattered with tears. There's more but i dun really wanna talk abt it. . .
Friends. I'm in a position where i dun like seein my best fren feelin so down, tht he felt suicidle, not moving on, in pain, which he thinks he don't deserve to be love. To u, if u are reading this, I know u are drown with your sorrows, facing u sometimes, it's hard to talk to u, lookin at those dilemmic eyes of yours, i dunno how u gonna pull thru.
I know you're hurt, hurt by a thing call love, but bro, know this, you deserved to be love, don't u even dare u say you're not, cuz u're a somebody tht ppl admired abt u, even tho u lose this obstacle who knows, u might be able to find some1 better than tht person, how long u're willin to wait?
How long u gonna traumatise urself in this kinda manner, how many more mellow entries tht u gonna out inside ur blog?
I know tht's ur blog and it's ur business but as ur best fren, i'm juz worried and i dun want to see u sufferin like this forever, u hav to accept the fact tht the person u fell in love is not comin back. It's time to take ur time to move on. Honestly, i've lost my best fren by a thing call love, and he's not here by my side anymore, even i'm tryin my best to comfort u but i eventually failed and not doing a good job. I want him back, back here happy, cheerful and cheeky, even tho u love hidin it, u're not really a good actor cuz i know u well enuf. Think abt it. And dun say the word "LOVE" doesn't exist in ur dictionary.
It will slowly come. Control ur emotions, don't let it control u, look at the people around u tht concerned abt u, they are worthy to give their love to u. U and tht person are not meant to be together. U gotta accept tht. I'm sorry for being harsh but as ur best fren, i want u to realise tht. Think abt tht.
topsy turvy-ed @ 10:23 AM
Yesterday's raya outing was a blast, for me tht is.. I hav lot more photos but too lazy to upload.. These are juz some of it.. Hahaha..
topsy turvy-ed @ 10:18 AM
A Song tht i wanna share with u guys tht really moved me. Here's the lyrics, enjoy. . . Will be abt myself very soon. . . if u wanna hear this song, it's available in my blog here, juz press play.
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
topsy turvy-ed @ 3:04 AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Testing Testing! Yeah!! I love my new blogskins! Updating soon!! Watch out for it!
topsy turvy-ed @ 12:45 PM
Profile
The name's Hilmi, u can call me Im for short, or Hils or Hilly will do.. haha.. Anyways, serving my national service right now and finishin soon 11 sept 2008! Yahoo
Born on 11 May 1987.. Hav 3 crazy siblings. 21 this year. Laid back kinda guy and loves to make sarcastic remarks.. and a bit lame as well...
Loves
surf the net
reading books by mike gayle & matt dunn
hanging out with his frens
Hates
People who take advantage of me?
