type whatever you want here.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
It's been 5 weeks already in BRTC for me, and it will my last there.. I won't be stayin there for BRT stage.. In fact, i'm posted out to firefighter course. Another 3 months of suffering! You guys must be thinkin "Hilmi? Fight fire? sure or not?" Yeah believe it or not, i'm not really happy to hear tht i got tht posting.. Seriously. . . It gives me goosebumps. . . My Sir Fairus knew tht i wasn't really happy knowin tht i want Medic course but he gave me encouragement and support tht i'll be ok there.. Well i hope so. Even though i heard the training is more tougher than the PTP stage, wah!!! I can't believe i'm going firefighter course!! Well some say i'm lucky enuf to be chosen, in my platoon, only abt 12 of us were chosen, so i guess it must be really a big deal.. Unfortunately, my best buddy, Chee Siong didn't get to Firefighter which i was lookin forward tht he would but he wasn't.. I'm gonna miss him man, always backed me out during our PTP stage. Well bro, thanks man. I really appreciate all the help and it was nice knowin u. Hope u get the vocation tht u wanted!
I'm wonderin how life's gonna be this monday.. Only time can tell..
Finally, i managed to be in good terms with my mum again, tears rolled down her cheeks as she was lookin at me at her front door, she missed me so badly, and i missed her a lot as i told her wad happen to my life, i told her abt the closest friends tht got my feet up again and help throughout this time. She was happy tht i had friends who helped me out, and she's lookin forward to meet those friends of mine, People like Eeks, Dalilah, Shadan, Asrie and Naser. We managed to catch up, and wad's been going on in her life now, I shared stories of my CD life, we talked for like 4 hours yesterday, i missed her, she's like my best friend. Even though she's going a tough time right now lookin for job, i managed to give her some money yesterday. Even though i can't cry now in front of her cuz i know those tears are suppose to hidden now.
1 week more to Hari Raya, Alhamdulillah... I'm glad..
Love life? While i was reading one of CB's blog, this guy stated tht the word LOVE now do not exist in his dictionary no more.. How sad rite? Even though i dunno wad's gng on his life now, but i hope he's ok. Just take it as a test.. Well for my story, things get way too confusing and complicated. Seriously, i dunno wad to believe in myself anymore, sometimes i ask myself, is it worth takin the risk? The risk of some1 gettin hurt? Or the risk of gettin myself hurt? I know at times in life we can't always get wad we want. Or u would juz sacrifice urself for tht friend's happiness? My love life has been mind blowing and scary and i'm too afraid of every1 tht i loved.
To you, i'm not sure how far this could go, whether u read this or not, maybe my posting came at a good time for us to take a break. For 1 thing, you loved to confused me with ur messages and the other, I dun even know wad u take me as. I'm here still reading ur msgs but 1 thing for sure, the more i see u, the more pain i'll get, i'm an envy person and u know tht, too much of tht can make me do somethin tht i wouldn't want to, if it happens tht u both are, I'm strayin away, don't even bother lookin for me, cuz i know u wouldn't care at all, i was right all along, u won't remember or u either u chose not to. The only way tht i can get over u, is to move on, and tht would take a long time. How long? That i dunno. But 1 thing for sure, i want you to be happy, so don't do anythin stupid juz becuz of me, i juz want u to be sure. I'll be ok and i know i'll live. But the times i've spent with u had been a great journey for me. Take care and i love you always. . . .
topsy turvy-ed @ 1:14 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Ok i was told tht my all my entries are all shit.. The person wants to know wad's happening inside my NS life.. So ok la, i tell you guys la.. Since my previous entries are all full of shits.. Hiaz... Ok then, here goes...
Oh ya, by the way.. NAHARIAH ASHRAF, Happy 21st Bdae! Hehe.. You're a big girl now, learn to take care of urself, and dun be too childish for all tht matter, and behave whenever u are with him. . . U know wad i mean la. . .
Surprisingly, 4 weeks passed.. And i survived inside BRTC despite the people i meet.. Yups, trainin has been tough and stories flew here and there, through instuctors i mean.. Not recruits.. Regular readers, u know wad i mean.. I even clear the air between 2 of my fellow bunkmates.. Cuz these 2 are my so far trusted and honest people i ever met. To think tht i got myself to medic post, dream on, i got myself to the firefighter interview, which i'm reluctant to do it, and i'm not even confident enuf to face it.. Hiaz.. I haven't even take my IPPT test due to my lower limb, strained... so hopefully this week, i get to take it and pass without any injury or wadsoever shit.. Hiaz.. Ok tomolo got to book in already.. Sianz, how time flies when it comes to bookin in... Sheesh, i hate my life. . . .
Toodles. . .
I love you, but there's no way u can get a clear picture wad i'm tryin to say to you. . . I wish things were tht simple to explain but day by day, it grows more complicated. . .
topsy turvy-ed @ 2:29 AM
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Sometimes, i juz wonder, will you ever think of me when i'm gone? I guess it's no use at all updating my blog.. Hiaz.. It's complicating.. So complicating.. I was mesmerising away as I walked through memory lane juz now.. So much memories, painful, hurtful, cheerful & never ever forget every single thing tht i went through, every minute of it, i realised tht i remembered it, even tho i tried not to, for some special reason.. Hiaz...
Somtimes i juz wonder, is there any1 there readin this or any entries of the past...
I'm sorry for blaming you. . . .
topsy turvy-ed @ 3:08 AM
Sunday, October 01, 2006
The pain behind those eyes,
Blinded by the truth with all those lies,
Broken to pieces till i bleed,
Where does this situation lead?
I've been waitin for this moment for quite long,
Hearin this sad and lonely song,
How could u stop this ache?
The piercing of a heart that breaks.
It's excruciating thing to see you leave,
It's good to see some1 you can be happy with.
Here i am, lettin you go,
How I wish time move faster rather than slow.
I'm taking my chances to move on,
With lines being drawn.
I say with a heavy heart juz to say how much i love you,
I tried hard enough to love but somehow i know 1 day i'll manage to get through. . . .
I love you always. . . .
topsy turvy-ed @ 2:35 AM
Profile
The name's Hilmi, u can call me Im for short, or Hils or Hilly will do.. haha.. Anyways, serving my national service right now and finishin soon 11 sept 2008! Yahoo
Born on 11 May 1987.. Hav 3 crazy siblings. 21 this year. Laid back kinda guy and loves to make sarcastic remarks.. and a bit lame as well...
Loves
surf the net
reading books by mike gayle & matt dunn
hanging out with his frens
Hates
People who take advantage of me?