Yesterday Is History, Tomorrow's Mystery, But Today Is A Gift, That's why it is called the Present.

2008-07-24T11:02:00.001+08:00

hello u beautiful and handsome readers, this blog has been moved.. And it's no longer in use. Contact ur administration for details. Hehe.. haha.. Hehe.. Hoho... Hah.. See ya suckers..

2008-07-08T17:14:00.004+08:00

Somethin Random

The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life's too short for lies. And you're the worst kind of person in the world because you wasted my heart.

Wherever u are rite now, this is my message to you..

__________________

And i love you both! Haha.. How goofy we are there...

2008-07-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

Good Things Comes In TwoZ

Ok the plan for today was to meet up with my 2 dear dear darlings cuz one of them, Dalilah, informed me that she got something very important to tell me, at first i thought she was gonna tell me that she's gonna leave for Melbourne, and thank GOD apparently NOT! Phew! But tht wasn't the news. But before they both came, I waited for quite long for the both of them as they were miscommunication with the meetin time.. Tsk tsk, Blame tht bitch NAHA! Anyways, dunno wad got into me tht i was so irritated and ok la, pissed.. And was more pissed when Naha kept on sayin "Touchy touchy" Ugh, juz wanna slap her face.. But maintained me coolness..

Anyways, as for some of u who hav read Naha's blog u guys will know the story wad happen then. Anyways, the point of meeting up today was to give me a surprise bdae Present, and apparently they did. And guess wad they got me?

And there it is, JPG, the gift that i always wanted for me bdae! Haha.. Thanks girls, Love u both to death! Haha!

Thanks Dalilah and Naha, for the surprising and yet belated.. for 2 months rite? Haha.. It was the best 21st Bday gift ever i got so far! Haha! Guys, quit the jealousy yeah.. Hehe.. Till next entry. And yes, 4 years of frenship and still going Strong!

I wanna GO SINGFEST!!! SIGH...

2008-06-30T14:29:00.006+08:00

A Blast from The Past!

Look at ME!! Look at US! haha.. The pics juz brighten up my mood.. Really, this shows how i really enjoyed acting. There was Draz, Aysha, Me, Rox, Jac, Faizal, Md Nor and not forgettin the late Dennis Tan.. Damm, those acting days.. I really miss them, gonna join acting again after NS.. Haha.. Only fear is that, I think my stage fright has returned.. Haha.. That ain't gonna pull me back tho.. Gonna work hard for it.. Haha.. The pic tht perks me up the most is the 7 dwarfs together in top of each other.. Haha.. So cute!

This pics were taken 2 years back. Way Back huh? Haha..

Anyways, went out with my date, didn't managed to go to Toy Exhibition cuz it's close at 8pm ytd, didn't make it.. Darn it.. Danny gets to go and watch it! Sigh! I really miss all the TOYS!! yes, childish me, i know, but hey, that was my hobby ok! Collecting Transformer toys in the 90s and Star Wars, all gone thanks to my despicable brother! hmph! But we went to watch Wanted, yes the one with Angelina in it! Wow, i was gratified by tht movie.. Really, with the actions, stunts and all the effects they made in the movie. Wow. It's a must watch!

3 days ago, when to sent Rusty and Em, off to Bangkok, darn bitches, get to go holiday before me! Haha.. Anyways, yes, went to send them off, and met up with Em's sis Kak Arliana, She's 5months pregnant! And get to touch her stomach, of course with permission! I can feel the baby's feet! I was amazed.. Haha.. Go baby girl!

Met up with danny after that at Starbucks Suntec, yeah, back to memory lane to where the time stood still.. haha.. Yes, me and danny are OK, no grudges anymore and we managed to talk abt wad happen, well as u read his blog abt him being the Big Bro and "Step Up" which was a bunch of bull.. Haha.. Anyways, yeah, we catch up and talked abt him in SOS (Songs of The Sea) and shared abt the gossips in the production.

Went to catch Penelope, late nite movie, Danny's treat. Thanks Dan! And bumped into Gab's Bf, which i juz met for the very first time! Haha.. cool guy, didn't know he was from Juz B. Anyways, yes, bumped onto Gabby as well, wow, she's Hot now, super HOT! Haha.. Miss her, she look like Super Cleopatra of the 21st century.. haha..

Dalilah, sorry if i had watched Penelope(which i already did), well, Payback's a bitch anyways, cuz u buih b4.. haha.. Love u gurl..

Ok i think i'm in control now.. Thanks every1!

2008-06-25T00:31:00.003+08:00

Somethin random

When something terrible happens and you're in the middle of it you really do feel like you're never going to be the same again. You feel like every day of your life from now will have about it the same dull greyness. Sometimes you feel like you'll never smile again. Then, of course, the day arrives when the anger and bitterness are not as intense as they were the day before, and eventually the catastrophe seems like a distant memory from some other lifetime. You begin to feel. . . okay. Not great, not good but not bad either. You can laugh without feeling guilty. You can smile without wanting to cry.

Yes, i wrote tht, and not me being depressed but juz something i feel like letting it out. Hmm.. I guess i miss ranting on my blog.

I miss Naha, Dalilah, Danny, Rusty and gang, my very own sister, Azmil, Liyanna and Draz. Hmm.. Gotta catch up with all these people.. And I'm still figuring out wad to do when i ORD. Sigh.. Till next entry.

My condolences to Sunita, Anita's sister, her news was somehow came as shock to me.. The last time i met her was like when? 3 years or 4 years back? During Deepavali. Anita, if u happen to read this, I'm really am so sorry about your sister, her news had shocked me and Liyanna. I know u won't be fine, but u'll get thru it ok. Take care sister.. Though i dunno her that well, but still, she's a frenly woman and a soft spoken 1 too..

2008-06-23T16:39:00.002+08:00

Hey there readers, yes i'm back.. and indeedly, i miss all of u.. well whoever my filial readers are out there tht is.. Haha.. Sorry for missing in action, been busy and apart from that, tryin to keep up with gymmin.. Guess wad guys, less than 3 months I'm gonna ORD!! YES!! haha.. Can't wait, as u guys know, I werk 10 days per month. So i left with hmm.. like 23 more days to werk!! Yes!! Haha.. i mean, i'm finishin during the fasting month so yeah..

Big problem, wad am i gonna do after NS? That's the big question... Well, still soul-searching i guess.. Haha..

Anyways, after so long disappearing, been cleansing myself, if tht's wad u called it, went to KL with Syahrill and frens, a roadtrip actually, thank God is not a roadkill.. I had fun, and indeed gorge myself with a lot of indulgence.. Sinful indulgence of food that is.. Haha.. Not uploadin the pics here, u can find it in my facebook..

So 2 days ago, i went to meet my darling Liyanna up at Bugis, and accompanied her shopping at Bugis Village, well she needs an opinion, so she got 2 shoes and 2 bags. Talk about Shopping, i didn't know Bugis Village really display good stuffs there. Especially the Polo Tees.. I wanna shop there when i get my pay.. Really interesting stuff there.. Anyways, after tht, head to TCC and catch up with Liyanna, my, much has happened after like 3 months of not seeing her.. We shared a lot and I'm glad she was being honest with me with some issues.. Thanks Babe.. hmm.. I guess this will be my entry for today after so long, not to worry, i'll update again as soon as i can.. I'll make tht a habit yeah..

2008-05-28T17:00:00.000+08:00

Blessed Living

Hi there readers, it's been while haven't been updatin here, oh well, as u can see the pic above is my sister and me, and wad am i wearing, well, i'm wearing SGH patient pyjamas. Yes, i was admitted to the hospital 2 days ago, and i was discharged ytd. Why am i there? Well, it happen during a firecall at Yuan Ching Road, Old Tang Dynasty there, is happens to be an amusement park tht closed down really long long time ago. Yes the whole place was caught on fire, how the fire started no idea.

How do i get into this mess, simple, i was penetrating the fire from outside, well, simple to say, cuz it's an open area where u dun need ur breathing mask since u're outside, minutes later, all the high superiors came and informed my officer tht fightin the fire from outside is useless, so as usual, as kanchong as they are, they asked me to move inside the building and fight the burning inferno, as i am aware tht i wasn't wearing any facemask, i thought it's gonna be a short period of time, and i am sure tht my officers notice tht i wasn't wearing any and so were they.

Anyways, minutes later i was instructed to enter another part of the building, the heat was intense, the thick black smoke looks like as though it was gonna form up a face and eat me up, well it did actually, well, when i was tryin to get in, i was clouded my intoxicatin smell of monoxide, and i think i inhale too much of monoxide, tht it jammed up my breathin systems, and there i was, fallin down the stairs, out of breath, suffocating, and coughin as if tear guys were runnin up in my nervous systems. The heat as usual was intense. Tht point of time, i was thinkin, shit, i'm such a useless fireman, i was there for like 20 mins, with no1 taking over me, but i had no choice but to let go.

Man, i must be pretty pathetic as always and i think i caused an embarrassment to my colleagues and worst my station.. Sigh... I was hospitalised at SGH under Burns centre.

The night i was hospitalised, doc says i inhaled to much carbon monoxide, and my throat was swollen badly, they somehow put a tube into my nose and it went through my lungs as if they are making a documentary of the human body being intoxicated with the burning ashes. Well, i'm ok for now, Azmil came with his gf tht nite. I was thankful tht he came, informed my mother, billy, herms, rusty and naha.

Sorry dalilah, i didn't inform u, cuz i dun want u to worry baby. Anyways, the day i got discharged, rusty came, emil, kak arliana, khairullah, (thanks for the slippers bro!) Irfah and her bf. thanks, and of course my beloved sister. Thank u all for coming, i really appreciate it. If I were to die tht day juz becuz i inhale too much Monoxide, i got so many ppl tht i need to apologise, especially my mother and few of my dear dear frens. Ok i better not make this entry sounds like a Will. But i'm blessed living again, and havin the people i love in my life. thank u..

_____________________________

Before i forget, AYU, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I hope we really did surprise u alot tht day.. sorry if the pic is very blurry with u and ur bf, not my camera anyways, so babe, enjoy ur 1 (7) bdae ok! Love u many many babe. May u be bless with happiness and many returns ok! Thanks and glad to hav u in ma life. Muacks!

2008-05-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

I guess some people juz underestimated David Archuleta eh? Haha.. Congrats to David Cook for winning American Idol 2008! I knew he wud win! haha.. Well he deserves it anyways.. So here's to all David Cook's fans!! Haha..

2008-05-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hola readers! It's been a while eh? haha.. I know i know.. Well, been busy lately.. haha.. Anyways, to lazy to blog, but i let the pics to the talkin ok, this is wad i've been doing the whole week after my last entry..

And after a LOOONG HOT week.. Finally, it rained!

Simple small birthday shoutouts to Yani who plays Evil queen in Snow white back in Wayang Warehouse days! and not forgettin hehe, my part-time gf, Ayu!!

and to Nasri, thank you so much for the P. Ramlee tix, i really enjoyed the musical very much, with Liza Hanim singin live in those nostalgic songs.. Wow. The musical somehow moved me. really. I enjoyed it.. Thanks. And cheers to u my fren. Enjoy Ur ORD-oh!

2008-05-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

Hey ya, celebrate my belated bdae with my close ns/sargent/bitchy/close fren, Azmil!! Haha.. Yup, thanks bro, for the present, the dinner, the company, the songs and of course the bitchiness! haha.. Gosh, since he ORD-ed and now a malay language teacher, he still rawks! haha.. even though kinda miss him at work tho.. haha.. I'm glad we got to catch up again. Haha.. and as always, thanks for the ride home on ur Gilera. Btw, please please please ride safely! God, i dun wanna hear another accident from u! The stitches look pretty bad. So dun ride too fast ok!

This is wad Azmil got for me! haha. A TOPMAN polo tee and there's a number 11 behind it, and he didn't even notice there is a number 11 there. haha.. but good choice. haha.. i love it. thanks.. Looks a bit more like a jersey to me actually.. haha.. and he nvr seen me wear yellow before so ok. I'll wear it ok..

Ok dun wanna be an asshole to Dalilah Hani but hehe.. yeah i got the Mraz album! haha.. and i'm listenin to it rite now while doing this post, songs are all not bad. Very nice, i give a 3.5 out of 5. haha.. And Raff, it's good.. Really.. haha.. I love the insides of the album, very kindergarten drawings by him.. haha... very cute.. Ok tht's abt it people, anyways, headin back to werk tomorrow, sigh, after a long week missing from werk, i'm like slackin myself to werk.. haha.. ok then, good nite everybody, and THANK YOU for all the birthday blog entries, shoutouts and entries! thanks. God bless u all!

2008-05-13T09:38:00.001+08:00

Hey ya readers, i watch these 2 movies above on my bday. It was really awesome. Well Ashton Kutcher, boy, he never fails to crack all his jokes and being stupid as ever. And Cameron D, well, hot and sexy as ever. This 2 can make a gr8 pair in realitee. haha.. but too bad..

As for Ayat-ayat Cinta, which i watched alone, wow, it's damm nice.. really, moved u. No wonder the seats are always sold out. Haha.. Well part of the show teaches the way of Islam in marriages and relationships, which is good though, no only malays i spotted watchin this show, so does the Chinese and ang mohs. I'm surprised there myself.. haha, but it was a good movie.. and i love the songs, the one from Rossa and Sherina. Happens tht Melly Goeslaw wrote it, wow, i got some of the songs! haha..

___________________

This is wad i had ytd with the Noches, thanks for the celebration guys i really appreciate it. Thanks the 4 years of frenship, it's been gr8 havin u guys a part of my life. Love u lots. and Naha, sorry i put tht pic of u with spoon, i juz find it funny.. haha.. Sid, haha, u were crazy as always..

2008-05-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

Birthday SMSes

___________

As u all know today I'm officially turned 21. And yeah, people asked wad am i gonna do. Apparently nothin anyways. Yeah. Boring rite? u're 21 and u nvr do any party or wadsoever, reason behind it, budget. tak ada SEN!!! haha.. Well, i'm ok with it for not celebrating my 21st bday like how i read other people's blog or how they told me abt their 21st bday celebration. yup yup, envy but it's ok.. haha..

Anyways, was checkin my old number to view my sms, btw, i changed my number tho, in case some of u who are very close to me, i'm sure i gave my number to u. Damm rite i gave it to u guys! So anyways, here are my bdae sms tht i got from, and i'm really really am thankful to u people so much, for havin me a part in ur lives.. Thanks..

______________________________________________________

Shafardani: Happy happy bdae hilly! I wish u happiness joyful cheerful good health good love good fortune and be everythi tht u're wishin for becoming reality. Amin, if i have a super hero power i'll definitely fulfilled ur dream but i'm juz a boy with a simple life, so this boy who is ur fren wants to wish u a happy unforgettable 21st bdae, tht's the least he could do to remind you tht u are not forgettable! :-D Happy happy bdae hilly!

Esjay Danial: Hi Hilmi. . In case u ask "who is this stranger?" I am esjay danial from facebook and hope u dun get angry with sudden intrusion, juz to wish u a happy bdae to u in advance tomolo and hav a blast countdown later.. Semoga dipanjangkan umur dan murahkan rezeki yeah. . . Amin. . .

Ali Joe: Happy birthday Hils! Ali joe.

Kak Hani (i hav no idea who this is):Elo hilmi, ni kak hani. Happy mother's Day! Oops!! Tersalah lak. Hee. Happy 21st bdae! Wish u much pleasure n joy. Hope all ur wishes come true! hope ur bday be perfect for u! Have a blast! ;p

Ayu: SAYANG! I'm half an hour late! haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! lovelove you. Don't get drunk!XOXO. <3

Azmil: Duhai sahabatku, dunia ini selalu berkejar2 tapi seringkali tidak diketahui apa yg dikejarkn, kedewasaanmu harap membukakan sinarmu agar mentarinya ke hujung ufuk.. kamu hanya punya dirimu, sayangilah yg ada, memperbaharuilah yg sedia ada... slmt berdewasa tapi jgn alpa agar angka penuh makna. . . salam..

Dalilah Hani: Hilly dear! Finally!! Hahaha.. Happy bdae! Tnks for everytin.. Tnks for being a grt fren, a listenin ear, a camwhore buddy... thanx for being tere! Happiest bdae to u! Miss u n we shall mit nxt week k. U, me n eeks. Gosh...I miss spending time with u guys. Luv Ya!

Rox: Happy birthday to u!Happy birthday to u!Happy birthday to Hilmi! Happy 21st bdae to u! Another big leap in life! Stay happy n healthy. Look forward to ur pressie. The next time we meet. :-D

_______________________________________

It floods my inbox with their long msgs.. Haha thanks guys i really appreaciate all the bdae wishes..I'm really happy tho. Love ya all! to my triple Cs clique, thanks for the advance bday wishes at Starbucks! Haha.. Glad to hear it..

My family! Mum, i had a blast with u and adek2, thanks so much for the beautiful card, and to u mum, Happy Mother's Day. And Happy Mother's Day to All U readers out there!! Whoever i know tht is already a mother!

this poem is for all mother's out there. Written by me, and definitely by me. Hope u mother's out there like it yeah.

She brought me to this world with no regrets,

It was her first blessing tht she could never forget,

She raised me up despite the pain and frustration,

with no one to turn to when times of desperation,

She gave me strength and guidance througout the years,

With the help from the Almighty one to hear,

Her love for her kids it's not juz one-sided,

Indeed her job is tough and orderly divided,

She may frown at times seeing us misbehaved,

Never take advantage of her after what she gave,

She is what we called mother,

The one who is like God to us that never seperates us forever,

Treat with respect after what she's been through,

At the end of the day, always remember to say I love you.

Copyrite Hils.

_________________

Hope u readers out there like this simple poem i made, i know there's a lot of grammar mistakes or wadsoever. Well, i made the effort.. haha.. Happy Mother's Day and Happy Bdae to me!

2008-05-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

It's a Vonderful Weekend...

______________________

I would post pics here but too bad i can't, cuz it's not uploaded yet! Haha.. Anyways, my weekend was a blast, Party-ed like mad, mainly becuz i think i was too high, and dancing like wow, i'm on a roll! haha.. Nas, Jot, Bom, Shadan, Eeks were there, saw Hairul, Juz and members from SOS were there. Haha.. Met up with Daryl as well, and his frens, can't remember their names but haha, we had a blast tho. It was seriously the most, best nites ever, Nas and Bom never see me dance so hyper tht night.. Hehe..

Was grinding with one of Daryl's girlfriends. Hahaha.. It was cool tho. Eeks, apparently make out with his ehem ehem.. Naughty guy.

And me, well, me and nas were like shaking our ass off, and the podium, and me being sweaty, so decide to take the top off, yes, my 2nd time takin my top off.. hehe.. Gonna hav fun again this weekend! Look forward to it!

__________________________________

I read Dalilah's bloggie, hehe, can't wait to get the new Jason Mraz album, i heard all the new songs in youtube as well as Imeem, hehe, wow, love it very much, especially the 1 tht i posted on me blog.. Colbie Caillat and him workin together, wow.. Really somethin.. Haha.. So babe, i'm gettin it for myself when the album's out.. Hehe.. Jgn jeles yeah.. till next entry..

Oh yah, Naha, if u're reading this, this comin monday jadi ke tak? senyap je.. sms me yah... btw, i want my donuts from KL!

2008-05-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

Entry of Apology
__________________

Dear Danny Ramlan,

I guess i hav to make the first move again, but first i wanna clear things, juz need to let it out from my system, whether u like it or not, here goes..

Danny, u're being an unreasonable coming 24 year old jackass who doesn't wanna admit tht u're wrong, at times, u're being a cynic, hypocrite and loves using reverse psychology on people who doesn't hav tht high esteem as much as urself, u're being selfish at times, and sometimes u're an idiot tht u juz dun want to admit it. Yes, u hav a lot of frens "who cares for u and adores u alot" but some can't take ur attitude, well, i can't do or anythin or say anythin tht'll make u change becuz it's who u are. And i gotta accept tht, like wad liyanna always said to me "well, u think wad type of person he is, u juz got to be patient with him."

Well, i kinda agree with her when she said this b4, us bitchin together makes the group stronger, but now, it's fallin apart and i hav no idea whether Draz has an idea on wad's been going on. Yeah ur reconcilition with ur old fren brought back joys together, and well yeah, i can see tht u're havin a major fun, yes i read ur blog..

I dunno whether u'll read mine as well, but here goes, I'm sorry, i know i hardly hear u say tht word to me before, like i said let this be my first move.. again.. anyways, i'm sorry if i was a total idiot or an asshole towards u, i'm sorry for wadever awful things i did to u, and i agree with u the other time when u said, "Frens will choose me over u, becuz i'm the fun and popular one." well, i guess u forgotten abt tht 1, well u did.

U were rite anyways.. So this is my entry of apology, up to u whether to forgive me or not, at least i made my move already. Anyways, miss hangin out with u. Dunno whether u'll read this anyways.. Satisfyin enuf? well if no, i can't say anythin cuz i'm already being honest with wad i'm gonna say. Well, take care..

Sincerely Yours truly,

Hilmi

2008-05-01T08:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY HERMS!

This is kind of a late entry but i'm juz 2 days late tho for this entry.. Hahaha.. Happy Birthday Herman!! Or shud i say herms?? haha.. U've been a gr8 fren for the past 2 years? i think, thanks for the KL trip, being my style advisor, my gym buddy and of course the person tht i always being a bitch when i feel drunk and high.. haha.. Well, thanks for everythin bro, even tho u're in Vietnam now, enjoy ur honeymoon yeah? hehe.. if u know wad i mean, make sure "bulan tu menyinar sungguh.." hehe (personal joke).. Anyways, Zaq and i dunno wad to get for u on ur birthday but we'll think of somethin fun.. hehe.. take care bro, and happy 25! gosh, u're old already.. haha..

2008-04-29T03:31:00.000+08:00

Hi loyal readers! It's 330am, gosh look at the time, in 3 hours time gotta wake up and get ready for work tho. well not werk actually, it's my medical appointment at Alexandra Hospital. yup, it's regardin my Skin, bee havin rashes lately, i think it's wad i end, nothin physical or sexual tht i did, i mean hey, i hadn't had sex for very long time. haha.. So i hope the appointment will go well, need to know wad's wrong with meself..

Anyways, guess wad, i got a job offer! yup yup, and it's a high end retail line. and Rizan, my fren who werks at Gucci Taka, told me to take the job. Wow. It's a huge deal for me and i'm still reconsidering tho. haha.. Well, the werkplace is at Paragon and it's at Dunhill!! How cool is tht? I'm being offered to work at Dunhill, a fren of mine recommended me to his fren who is the boss, i mean wow. Then i cud see sexy Jude Law in his posters. Haha.. Not gettin my hopes high up cuz this is my only opportunity, i've being offered to werk part time there as u know, NS.. so maybe after tht i cud convert full-time. and yes, the pay is very attractive. haha.. Wow.. me in retail? haha.. It's like weird. But rusty said i got the service line look. haha.. well, these kind of places sure needs good groomin, and as for me, groomin? I already look haggard in pics nowadays, tht's y i nvr really display any as u can see from all the recent previous few entries. haha.. So any words of encouragement out there? wud luv to hear it whether it's good or bad, juz shoot yeah..

Well, waddaya know, May's here!! Haha.. well, unfortunately i didn't get the 200 bucks offset package, bollocks.. at least all my frens get to enjoy with tht 200. hahaha.. anyways, birthday month is here! Yay!! 21! hahah.. well, if u guys are askin wad am i doing for my 21st? well, nothin. yup, i know ppl wud say 'but it's ur 21st? y aren't u doing anythin?' Well, my reasons are, budget and another thing is, i hav no idea wad to do anyway. So i juz let it be la. Haha..
Ok frens of mine wants me to create a list of wad i want here, so don't say i didn't ok. and some of the items in the list are an impossible for y'all to get. haha..

My Birthday List Number 1(Impossible to get)

1. A New Phone from Sony Ericsson walkman which looks like a PDA which is..

2. A new MP3, hmm, i like the 1 from Sony the 1 which looks like creative ZEN like Naha's, very small and sleek, which can play AAC format.

3. PSP black which has Final Fantasy Crisis core in it!

4. Grey's Anatomy DVD boxset

5. The OC DVD boxset

6. Desperate Housewives DVD boxset

7. Beast Wars and Beast Machines DVD boxset get it at HMV!

8. A HP laptop?

9. Men's Lab Series Skincare Products

10. Hugo Boss perfume

11. Jean Paul Gaultier Perfume

Birthday List number 2 (which i think u all can get for me)

1. Juz celebrate with the ppl who treasures and appreciates me throughout the years knowing me..

Yup, so tht's it! I think birthday list number 1 is too impossible huh? yup. well, if i were u guys, i choose birthday list number 2. hehe.. yup, i wanna celebrate with the ppl who loves me, and i love u guys.. ok, time to hit the sack, btw, i hope u like the songs, speaking of Songs, i think I'm rootin for David Cook in American Idol, apart from being him being hot, he got a nice voice. I really love him sing during the Andrew Lyodd Webber week. Sadly my predictions will be tht pretty boy David Archuletta is gonna win, my sister is crazy abt him.. Sigh.. Till next time.. Good nite!

2008-04-22T23:48:00.001+08:00

Hey ya readers! Guess wad? My reservist trainin is next month which is on the 8th and 9th. Cool eh? I didn't expect meself to go for my reservist trainin so soon, usually it's like 2 months before u ORD actually, well the sooner the better. I'll be done with NS life very soon! Yoohoo!! Can't wait for tht day to happen.

IPPT is on this thursday! And will be my last time takin it during my NS. I hope i'll get a silver again tho, cuz my i really sucked at Standing Board Jump, yup, tht's my only weakness.. Grr.. Hopefully this thursday won't end up badly. And i still hope tht i cud keep up with my 9 min timin in my 2.4km run.. haha..

The new OC in my station is really givin me and my colleagues a hard time. So particular abt things, especially our scenario drills. Uniform also very particular, like they also say, SI-BEH ON! haha.. yup, the days of my ORD is drawin nearer and nearer and workload is a pile of bollocks.. really.. Makin aku nak ORD makin merepek keje2 OC kasi. Most of my colleagues are quite fed up now at work, it's nothin to look forward to other than being lectured most of time.. yeah..

Anyways, went out with the Noches today, met up with Naha and Sid first, apparently Suhaimi suppose to join but cancelled on us, Buih... Anyways, yup, went out with them first and it was kinda boring though, cuz i dunno wad or how to start the conversation with Sid like we used to. So it's kinda silent the whole afternoon as Naha tried to do most of the talkin, hmm.. I'll try to talk abt somethin tht we used to talk abt the next time we hang yeah.. It's not like last time, things change now. It can be bad and it can be good. But at times we hav to accept of wad or who we are rite? Well sorry sid if i was a bit numb juz now, i'll try to think of somethin to rectify it ok, sorry sis for making u do the talkin most of the time. The rest of the clan came by and well yeah, as always laughters, critics, goofing and most importantly cam-whoring, it was really fun, i dun hav the pics with me cuz it's with Naha.. hopefully she'll update her blog soon abt us.

I made the decision not to speak when spoken the next time, i mean it's not worthy at all, i mean people don't really care wad i think and i won't care at all abt them. So from now on, Hilmi, juz shut up and bother with ur life than bothering others, it ain't worth ur time at all..

2008-04-16T19:30:00.000+08:00

ok this is kinda late entry due to some reasons tho. Eeks's computer kinda crash and can't blog neither i cud check my mails too.. Which is kinda suck, oh well, anyways, this is kinda late for me to type it out but i wanna wish dalilah a very HAPPY 23rd birthday, i wish i cud post a picture of wad i got for her, but this is my Jul's Magnum, so no pics ah..

Well, wad i got for dalilah was 2 corrinne may's cd and a collage of her photos and mine, and eeks, and her darling jason MRAZ. Yeah, i know i dun do all these DIY stuffs normally, it was quite a shock for me too that i did! Haha, on top of tht i wrote a poem for her tht i hope she enjoyed readin it though. Haha..

Anyways, i hope she did enjoyed her birthday as i cud tell by readin her blog, wow, look at those presents! haha.. feels like her 21st birthday instead of her 23rd.. haha.. Well girl, most of my frens tht read ur blog don't believe tht u're 23.. some thot u're 18, ppl like rusty and amilia thot u're 18. keep the flattery to urself yeah. haha..

gosh, i left 4 more months, and rudy! u are damm lucky to participate in this year's national day even when u're in NS! damm u! haha.. wish i cud go, nvr been to NDP b4. Ok this sucks, can't wait to ORD.. and i need a good damm pay job! haha.. well till next entry which i can't tell when.. toodles. oh and naha, don't get too hard on urself with Khai yeah, juz kiss and make up will ya? haha..

2008-04-09T21:28:00.001+08:00

hey there readers, hmm, earlier todae, i went to my old blog and i read the old entries tht i rant abt. And wow, seriously, i do hav issues eh? haha.. still am, still do.. There was this particular long entry tht i had, which was my conflict between me and Naha abt a job at Shangri-La Hotel, tht was really a boomer.. I mean tht was like 3 years back and it was 2005. wow. I was laughin readin the entry. haha. i hav a lot of ups and downs with the girl, but no matter wad, we're still together as frens, even tho she hav to accept my flaws and i hav to accept hers..

She called me in the middle of my sleep juz now in the afternoon tellin me abt birthday presents.. Sigh, i dun mean to be bitch rite now, but i hav to blog and on my "BITCH MODE".

Ehem, well, presents resembles a thot. A thought tht counts of his/her frenship towards a person. A true fren doesn't really care of wad he or she bought for tht person, whether it's cheap or expensive, branded or "bran-sacked"(which means imitation or no brand). It's wad ppl always say "it's the thot tht counts". am i rite ppl? I mean c'mon, u dun hav to like, sacrifice so much tht it's A MUST for u to get tht particular gift if not u'll die, it's like u bought it to impress and not for the thought, and u wud think tht the person wud return u twice as big as the present tht u bought for him and her. Well no.. unless u are like some1 who earns $2k per month and u want to buy for him/her a LV bag or Chanel yah by all means. Ok i dun care abt my narrow-minded opinion but this is a freedom of speech, and also, i'm sure some ppl disagree with wad i juz pointed out. This juz bugs me, here we are plannin a gr8 party or at least a decent nice one for him/her, and there he/she (as in the birthday boy's/girl's frens) being so material minded and gettin past the blonde moment of him/ her..

Ok i dunno whether i prove my point here, but i'm sure there's a lot of disagreements, don't expect much from a person, especially when he or she is either in NS or dun hav a stable career, when he or she comes to ur birthday, it's the thot tht counts and his/her presence for being there for u not the presents. Sincerely accept gifts from tht person, dun go around tellin ppl how much u hated tht gift, it juz saddening. seriously. I'm not sayin from my own point of view but for other frens of mine as well..

Tht's all i gotta say here.. Comments are welcome readers.. thanks..

2008-04-07T23:53:00.000+08:00

Ok i dun think it's gonna be werkin out between me and him... seriously..

________________________

I was readin ur blog which i always hav been, only tht i nvr really link it here in my blog. i read ur past entries, the part where u started bloggin, the part where we met, at the BBQ 2007. I was really a fool to let u go, i wrote a poem to u and u replied with another, and tht was tht 1 time i received from some1 like u. I spent a lot of time with u, talk to u abt my stress at werk, how it first started. and the stress level went up and i completely ignored u and left without a trace.

How foolish i was for being such a jerk and nvr in my life i felt this way abt u. Soon i found out tht u're attached. Happily attached.. The reasons why i can't get on with my dates is becuz it always reminded me of u. always hav, i'm not crappin here but yeah, it's true. ur entries move me tht i dun hav the guts to approached to u and tell u how sorry i was. for being a jerk, and an ass hole.

Yeah u are attached now, and likewise, i've always been readin ur blog. I'm sorry if i hurt u. i know sayin all tht won't do any good, but i juz hope u are happy with the person u are attached to rite now.

want to know wad reminds me most abt u? this is....

You came into my life unexpectedly,
and everything took a turn for the better.
Your warm eyes,
your laugh,the sincere way you speak,
and the kindness you showed me,
will become a part of my life.

As you unfolded yourself to me,
I discovered more and more beauty.
I have never seen so muchgentleness in one person.
Without even knowing it,
you were slowly making a place for yourself in my heart.

It used to seem so hard at times to feel so close in a relationship.
But it's so easy to feel close to you.
I can't tell you how nice that feels.
I realize now that I had never known what it meant to be loved until I was loved by you.

_________________________________________

There u go.. it shows how much i really miss u. i juz wish i cud be turn back time again, and seein us together again. It's too late to do amendments now... I'm sorry...

2008-04-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Ok April's here and past Monday I went to Aloha Loyang chalet to celebrate the April Babies' birthdays, as u can see there's 3 of them, Dalilah, Ina and Shadan, met up with the old cliques, and wow, there's certainly is a lot of changes in the group, tht really shows how matured they are now, and i think 3 of them going or should i say waiting for NS!! haha.. Finally, these boys are going soon, haha.. Pelan2 kayuh ye adik2 ku.. haha, abg sini nak ORD-oh! haha..

Oh yeah, did i tell ya guys tht the theme of the party was pink? Yeah! it is, initally i dun want to, cuz not really wad i wud wear but i was forced by my fav gerl, Dalilah Hani Ahmad, and yeah i did wear pink as u can see there.. haha.. the cake was presented by Fareez and his "family".. haha.. and eekz baked a cake for the 3 babies. which was nice though but too sweet ah bro, but nice try.. Anyways, met new people, meet new frens, and well, got along well "pretty" fine.. haha.. I felt like it was juz yesterday tht i celebrated their birthday at Pasir Ris, which was last year. Haha, how time flies, and wow. How we've grown to be well matured adults.

Lookin at bithdays, i juz remembered my 21st birthday is next month. wow.. I felt so old.. haha.. hmm.. i miss my RandomZ.. It's been a week and they're having fun. as always.. haha.. miss them...till the next entry..

and i miss u too.. u slowly openin up my heart..

2008-03-24T01:44:00.000+08:00

Omg, i had a blast with the RandomZ today, was really fun, and i really love them. Their friendship really meant a lot to me.. Seriously.. We talked and laughed about a lot of stuffs, even dirty ones too.. haha..

Draz, i really love u a lot gerl, though we are like siblings, u are one of the girls tht i find u remarkable and talented, a fren like u is really hard to find, ur blurness and ur craze on the dancefloor really perks up my day. And ur adventures with subway boy, WOO, it's juz abt to start, i hope u had a blast with him in ur upcoming laughters ok. It's good to see tht u are happy again.

Liyanna, boy, oops, gerl, haha.. I really had a wonderful time with u, really. With u always touchin my abs and like to gatal2 with my body, haha, over.. haha.. U are gr8 and i always love readin ur scripts and how u describe to me when u're like melting away when it comes to Alfian Sa'at, haha.. even i do.. haha.. Darn poetry.. Haha.. gerl, continue bloggin ok, it's been fun readin ur entries last time, now tht u are doin it again, don't shut it down anymore ok.. And oh, it's good to see u in love again.. Some1's on cloud 9 eh. And thanks for enduring my bitchin conflicts with danny..

Danny! Haha.. My partner in crime, the guy who never fails to hav a fight with me, which i dun always know why we quarrel. Haha.. U've been a gr8 guy, seriously, my softer side here speakin, I've always enjoyed ur company even though u can be pain in the ass, pompous, snobbish and arrogant, other than tht, u are one lovable person tht i can't stand it when u get compliments and u wanna be modest and hear more abt urself... Haha.. But ur positive principles in life has always been inspiring to me, yeah there u go.. haha.. Tht's somethin u rarely hear from me.. Haha.. U've been such a brother to me, and i thank u for tht.

RandomZ, i really love u guys very much, from the arguin, bitchin, cam-whorin, the blurness in every1, the laughters and sorrows and emos. wadever u call it, i love u all, and i hope this bond will juz remain as strong as it already is. Love u all..

Ayu, gerl, i miss u a lot.. Really. I know now tht I'm ur ex-part time bf, i guess u enjoyed or already replaced me with some1 else. Boo hoo.. haha.. Hang out with me soon yeah..

And Saxyphonist, if u are readin this, thanks for the keyboard lesson, i really learnt a lot today. i wanna keep practisin.. and sorry if i take a lot of ur time though.. ma bad.. once again thanks..

2008-03-22T17:42:00.000+08:00

A blast from the past
_______________

Gosh, i was readin roxanne's blog, and to my surprise, she got this pic.. which is way back, like when ah? hmm.. 2006? haha.. yup, tht was when dennis was still around with us, and, we were cute little dwarfs in Snow White.. Haha.. and i wasn't in NS yet.. haha.. gosh, i really miss performin in theatre. Can't wait to do that again. I miss those days..

Anyways, didn't get to go for the BBQ, which i thought i cud, cuz fuckin colleagues who always take leave gets it again and i here don't! That reminds me, while i was reading Ali Joe's blog, wow, he's really really a madhouse dude.. Never mess with people who wants to take leave.. or never ever, call us back when we're on leave.. Anyways, i hope tht they had a gr8 time though, i mean of course they had a gr8 time without ROSS! Ross is overreactin shit guy, but who cares, i still loves Ross, ever though u guys dun think I'm Phoebe.. haha.. If u guys know wad I'm talkin abt eh..

It's a cold Saturday now, and i'm sittin at home doing nothin but juz bore myself to death, broke and yeah, still watchin FRIENDS. haha.. Can't get enuf of em'.. Oh yeah, like the new song on the imeem? cool rite.. I lioke.. Justin and Madonna, tht's a tough combination u'll rarely hear..

Anyways, till next entry.. cheerios!

2008-03-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

Ok readers thanks for the view regardin the mass com thing, it's quite a response though, but i think i gotta start werkin first though, cuz i'm outta cash, seriously, my parents doesn't support me since 14, been payin my own school fees ever since I've been werkin in Macdonalds, yeah i know, well, that's the only job i cud afford werkin in an honest enviroment(yeah rite!).. Haha..

Movin on, i wud like to send my apologies to Raff, Rusty, Haizam, Azhar, Ayu and Zee, tht i couldn't make it for this friday's event, like i already said i can't promise anythin, so yeah, don't hate me for tht ok, and i'm sure u'll guys can hav fun without me aite? Well, i bet danny is jumpin for joy reading this, well, my bro, hav yeah. While i juz picture tht Oreo cheesecake tht Raff baked.. Gosh, I wonder wad's it like?

Went to Alexandra hospital early today, yeah, went to check wad the hell is wrong with my body havin all these unwanted rash tht's been gng on for the past month, apparently ytd was worst though, it swell up pretty badly on my face tht i cud barely open my eyes.. I'm serious, ytd's fire call, wow, 5 motorbikes were caught on fire at a Multi storey carpark, and wow, it was really a big one, was juz afraid tht the bikes might juz explode at any unanticipated amount of time, but we managed to put it out and yeah, most of my colleagues were pretty exhausted and we looked charcoaled.. haha.. and tht's where my face starts to swell up after the intensive heat and the heavy thick black smoke.. So back to my story again, I've been referred to a specialist on the 29th April, i mean to a Dermatologist, to do a follow up on me, seriously, i hate needles if they were to take blood test on me.. I juz really hate needles. My fear i suppose now.. is it?

So for now, i guess i hav to avoid seafood and gng often, cuz i dun wanna scratch like an idiotic monkey who has bathe for years in public, seriously.. haha... till the next entry.. peace..

2008-03-17T13:16:00.001+08:00

hey there readers, thanks for visiting, i know i know certain of u got irritated tht how annoying when u open some1's blog and u know it's still the same entry, i'm so sorry, ma bad, the com was kinda hiatus for awhile, so tht's why i've not been updating, but anyways, here i am, back again, ok the previous was kinda ugh.. i know.. haha.. kiddin..

So wad i've been up to these days? well nuthin much, juz got meself shoes from Springfield, it was a sale item, not so bad, and i got myself a pair of skinny jeans! yeah from topman, and tht was my first jeans tht i bought since ermm... 17 yrs old? haha.. oh and it's black, got it as staff discount thanks to fadzil! Did i get his name rite? well, i hope so..

11 march marks the date of Dennis's death anniversary. Who's he? My close fren-director of Wayang Warehouse- Cemta Alumni and a mentor to me and my frens who has werked with him during our Drama days. He was a fun loving guy tht a lot of people adored him for his jokes, he loves helpin people and loves to encourage youths like us to chase our dreams. He's inspirational and he always remind me to hav the passion wad i want to do. Don't waste every opportunity tht comes by. Thanks dennis, me, draz and all ur frens, will always remember u in our hearts, Dennis passed away at the age of 27 last year and his werks were published on Straits Times Life! last year. Thanks again Dennis for everythin..

Anyways, I've been like stayin home and watchin my favourite sitcom FRIENDS, damm, i miss tht show badly, i wish they wud make a comeback even how old they are now.. who do i catagorised myself in the cast? I wud say Phoebe, i know she's a girl, but i cud relate to her character tht i am her, i mean her blondeness, her str8-forward, and a bit blonde too, i'm sure u readers out there wud agree especially danny, he'll be laughin readin this, yeah i know.. but i can't deny it.. I am her.. so much.. haha..

Speakin of character, i gotta bring back my old self back, the positive not sulkin shit kinda guy. tht guy who doesn't really care wad other people say. So i gotta be tht person.

And i got a question, after i ORD, should i stick to work, or should i take Mass Communication in a private school? wad say u? tag me aite...

till the next entry..

2008-03-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

hello there every1! sorry! been busy and internet was kinda down so yeah, wow, did loads of stuffs for the whole of last week, went to celebrate Sid's bdae, went to the beach with the dwarfes, went KTV with the Randomz and not forgettin havin a chillout drink with my medic Andrew. Which i was so totally wasted.. haha..

Anyways, i juz wanna highlight want i did for this entry, so there u go, as u can see from the pics, Rox, Jac, Draz and urs truly had a lot of fun, despite knowin i'm burnt enuf, but i guess now, my tan is kinda smooth now, and i really love the color now.. hehe.. Girls, i really love u all, thanks for makin my day.

I've officially moved out from my dad's house fyi. more complicated things on tht matter, which i dun feel like or be bothered by it too much.

Danny's been an ass, he kept pestering me to do somethin on my 21st birthday which i hav completely no idea wad to do. and the big deal was, it's 21. so i hav no idea. Ali Joe, i need ur help, really. I sucked at plannin all these parties, which i nvr really had one. Havin or not, tht's 1 question, haha.. i'm not sure.. really. and it's like 2 months away.. gosh, sounds like i'm havin my own weddin. i wonder who's the lucky girl? or guy? haha.. kiddin..

i juz realised, tht danny and i cud really brought up the song One More Try by A1, we really nail tht song during KTV.. Haha.. Though i hav a love-hate relationship with tht irritatin bugger and his BUAY-ness issue if u guys read his blog between him, rusty and zee, kecoh seh! haha..but it was really gr8 hangin out with tht annoyin piece of shit.. haha.. so say somethin nice abt me danny!

haha.. till the next entry... peace.

2008-02-25T14:11:00.000+08:00

dear you,

I lost my respect to you. U're a total fucked up person i ever known, u chose to abandon ur responsibilities and when questioned, u find ur ways to cover up. U brought misery to all of us. and u let the significant other of urs to control ur damm life, why? becuz u feel owed or shud i say u are bought by tht bitch, u selfless piece of shit. I thought i could hold up my respect to you but not, i totally lost it, I will never wish tht i cud see ur face again, u're mean and selfish, ego. I'm gr8ful tht u brought me to this world, but the misery u brought upon us, u juz one fucked up person. really.

I lost my mood.

I lost my hope.

and i soon, i think i might juz lost all my frens too...

It bothers me so much that i can't get a grip.

Congrats, u like to win so much rite. there u go. hav fun with ur queen controlled life.

and to u bitch, u're fucked up slut, dun try to be fuckin innocent with us where u know u're in the wrong. SLUT, WHORE, FUCKING CUNT! I hate u comin to his LIFE!!!

FUCK U!!!

2008-02-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

Hey ya every1. yes i moved from livejournal dues to some reasons. livejournal account can't be open in my com, which is really sucks. but hey, i've renewed this blog.. hehe. yeah, my past entries are still there and u guys are welcomed to read it even though most of it sounds so EMO. well, tht's the past and this is the now. Haha.. Yeah, i love background, and the best part is, it's green.. hehe.. I'm sorry if the words are a bit too difficult to read but yeah, juz enjoyed the start of this post alrite. haha.. as u can see, tht i managed to put imeem and a tagboard there. Please, don't violate the tagboard alrite. *fingers crossed*

Anyways, i've been dying to blog for the past few days and now i managed to do it, so 17 of Feb did happen for the 3cs gang, which was going to Sentosa, boy, we had fun, we burn ourselves and most of us look like Bangla. Haha.. Not only tht, i managed to cheer someone up, and i hope tht really help, Rusty, Ayu, Raff, Haizam, Zee and of course Moi, made it. Oh ya! Azhar showed up finally, but sadly, danny didn't. haha.. But who cares, every1 had fun though.

I was being naughty tho, well a bit. I had too much to drink, tht i managed to finish 3/4 of Bailey's and gone completely high, and not only tht, it was weird for me, but i think i smoked 12 sticks of ciggys on tht day. My oh my. i better stop smokin. I'm more concerned of my health rite now. Hahaha.. Yeah, things we a bit crazy and, i got myself tanned, and it was kinda bad though, at this point of time rite now, my skin is peelin off and i'm itchin all over!! Haha.. Yeah, u hav to pay the price for beauty eh? haha.. Well, we cam-whored as usual, only tht the pics are not with me rite now, they're with Raff, oh ya speakin of which, the 3 gerls were really hot in their bikinis. Wow.. Haha.. Nice.. Ok, i'm juz gonna scoot and upload the pics tht i managed to gather, happy readin me blog, although it's a bit simple, well, i got no time to add here and there to make it fanciful tho. Do tag aite! Take care!

2008-02-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

testing testing... backyardjunkie@blogspot.com werkin? test test..

2007-04-16T12:10:00.000+08:00

It's called the Breathin Apparatus Proficiency Test(BAPT). Yeah i tool the test back in CDA 2 duties ago.. Well, it was quite tiring having all my muscles aching, specially my back.. Well, the objective of this test is to test ur breathin, meanin controllin in at different kind of situations such as collapse building or during a fire.. Well, it's somethin like when u take ur IPPT though.. It test ur physical and mental strength..
They got 5 different kind of stations, such as the Endless ladder where u hav to climb on this ladder at a certain height u hav to maintain, u cannot drop from tht certain height and u must keep on climbing at least 3 minutes? sounds easy? well no, most guys they worn out due to their legs.. weakened yet tiring..

the 2nd one is thing call, hmm.. i dunno wad the hell it is call but u hav to pull this bar towards u all the way down for at least 25 times.. and it's not juz any bar, it's a bar where u pull a 5kg weight.. i dun really know how to describe it but it's look like 1 of the equipments from the gym, i'm sure tht u gym rat users know wad it is..

Anyways, the 3rd one is somethin like a bicycle where u hav to cycle and maintain a distance of 85.. i think.. Also the same, like 1 of the equipments in the gym..

The 2nd last one is the treadmill, it's very easy for this one, u juz need to walk.. juz walk on the treadmill..

The last 1 is called the BA Maze, this i tell u is the worst of all.. u hav to be in ur groups to be in the maze and fine a way out.. and this is not juz ordinary maze tht u guys seen on tv or wadsoeva, u hav to crawl in this maze, with a lot of obstacles and challenges tht test tht mind of urs, it also test ur breathin and maintainin the air inside tht 9kg cylinder tht u're carrying, it's also consider one of the obstruction cuz, u're carrying it like a backpack and not only tht, u hav to squeeze in certain confine places.. such as tunnels, like how u gonna bring urself inside tht tunnel.. It's quite tough.. really tough..

But somehow, i managed to survive.. hahaha.. Well, surprisingly though, cuz i dun think i'll make it.. With the 9kg cylinder behind my back gng thru all the 5 stations sweating like a pig.. hahaha..

Anyways, I wanna wish all my April Babies, a very HAPPY BDAE!! To Dalilah, Shadan and Ina, you guys are really really gr8 after knowin u guys until this long.. I'm glad to hav u guys in my life, even though i dun hav a chance to stay and celebrate ur bdae, but i really hope u guys loved it. Mostly we know tht we enjoyed to company of each other, evem though we hav flaws, disagreements and arguements among each other, we know tht we always look out for each other and stick with one another, tht's why i am proud to hav frens like u. I love you guys..

Naser, thanks for makin this work, i mean u contribute the most here and u shud hav the credit as well, we were havin chalet and he's like bringin the his own house inside the chalet. Hahaha!! I'm surprised myself, well bro, ur contributions are really thotful and i'm sure most of us appreciate it.. Nevertheless u spice things up within the group.. Always do.. hahaha..

For the rest of you, thanks for giving the April babies a wonderful time, i hope u guys enjoyed ur time being tanned and dark, and not only tht, i hope u guys hav the hell of a fun even though, i was on duty tht night.. Well, take care people.. Love ya!

2007-04-10T19:02:00.000+08:00

I miss my girls from Wayang Warehouse... I really do.. I miss the laughs, the sadness and the silly times, tomorrow is Dennis's 1 month. . I really miss him.. I hope he's juz next to us and tell us what to do with his company.. No matter wad, I'll stick to Wayang still...

My leg's ok..

and you, i am sorry for being such a busybody and sorry i blast all those negative words.. from now on, i'll keep my mouth shut.. Hope u are fine.. Thanks for everythin.. I won't get involved with ur personal life no more...

I need a new fren...

Station life juz sucks i really hate it to the core.. Fuck all those firemen!

2007-04-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

Hey ya people! Yeah i juz started my week with a very bad monday. Yeah, i met with an accident, at werk tht is.. Apparently my sister has a pic of me in a wheelchair which looks really ridiculous, i dun hav the nerve to put it up on my blog cuz it looks freakin ugly..

Not to worry now, I am fine. Juz minor injuries even though i hav to be sent to the hospital tht night, thankfully nuthin was fractured or crack or else i won't be walkin for the rest of my life though, but the swollen foot really sucks, i can't even walk properly. I'm limping.. this sucks.. My mum as usual, cried.. She dun want to remind herself how the accident tht i was involved with a decade ago..

I love you mum..

SUSHI!! i can't wait for tht sushi outing ok guys! I'll wait for the 3 of ya!! haaha!!

2007-03-29T12:41:00.000+08:00

Hello there every1! hahaha.. lookin at the pics, makes me laugh all the time.. I had a gr8 time spending time with my 2 sayangs.. Hahaha.. It's been a long time i haven't spend time with the both of them as in 3 of us together.

Went to bugis ytd, meet up with the girls for dinner, not only them, i met with my sister as well, together with her new boyfren.. Hahaha.. her boyfren name is Hussein, very cute couple, nice person, very frenly and i heard my sister said tht he's a vocalist. Must be a very good vocalist. Hahaha, the 3 of us interrogate the couple and it went well.. Hahhaa.. Sorry Hussein if me and my bitches happen to offend u in anyway.. Hahaha.. Mulut kite laser katekan..

When they left, juz me and my two bitches, we were cam-whoring outside starbucks and the MRT.. It was quite chaotic hanging out with the Makciks2..hahaha.. anyways, a lot of topics were exchanged ytd, and i can't believe wad i did ytd, which is hard for me though. I shut down one of my "private" profile.. It was kinda hard.. I wanna make this werk.. and i really mean it.. yes dalilah, i mean it. We talk abt marriage, and all tht, somehow it got me thinkin along the way abt my future.. weird though.. scary too..

Hehehe.. anyways, i hav fun with u gerls.. thanks again bitches! hahaha...

Oh ya, if some of you hav watched the latest season of grey's anatomy, damm, tht show juz make me fell in love with Meredith Grey.. with her McSteamy and McDreamy.. The drama juz couldn't get enuf.. Hehehe...

2007-03-19T13:14:00.000+08:00

Hello every1, how has it been? Gosh i know i know it's been quite a while tht i left my blog stagnant like this.. Hehehe... I guess i left a lot of cobwebs here..

Damm, my tagboard is really pathetic, hahaha, no1 seems to tag for quite a while. Hahaha.. Well as u can see the pics were recently taken, hehehe, look at me with the powder on my face, yes it was taken at Pasir Ris park ytd with the CBians yeah, and the 1 with the group, hahaha, i thought of editing it, but i dun really know how to use Adobe Photoshop, any1 can teach me please?? hahaha.. Anyways, i hav a gr8 time with them.. We played Heart Attack with Eeks's pokercards, it was really a blast.. hahaha...

Anyways, the dirty air was cleared in the group.. I'm glad to hear things are gng back the way they were.. i hope.. Hmm, this year march, i realised my bond with Eeks has been a year, and it's really good, i mean, he's a really good brother to me, guide me and taught me a lot of stuffs in life. thanks bro, i treasure and cherish our friendship a lot. Not only him but dalilah as well, i really like spending time with u, u can be silly and crazy at times, but sometimes u juz perk up my day juz to make fun of u.. Hahaha, u and eeks are the 2 crazy ppl i enjoyed spending my crazy and wacky life with.. Thanks guys..

Members of CBians, to any1 i really offended or say somethin tht inflicted the heart of urs, i wanna say i am really sorry, at this point of time, i know certain of u hate me, but if it means tht u really hate me, i really can't do anything to make u love me again. Juz accept me for who i am then, even it means tht i'm totally a bitch-turn like- a total slut... I am really sorry once again..

Ok this segment is for myself dedicating to a lost friend. I lost him. He was my mentor in wad i was passionate of, Dennis Tan, my director, he's not only a director, but he's a GR8 fren. He guide me and taught me a lot of stuffs in acting, scriptwriting and advice me abt wad's my future in wad i wud wanna pursue, for his understandings and honesty towards me, i truly appreciate wad he did. I'm glad to hav him around me. His sense of humour always perks me up whenever I'm down.. In fact he's a very funny guy.. Hahaha.. His loss is really a big deal for me cuz i was quite close to him. His death was a shockin to me. I'll remember him in my heart. Thanks Dennis for making me a better person. May u rest In Peace..

2007-02-26T13:07:00.000+08:00

Yikes, recent pics of me, i know i know, u guys may find it disgusting, but i juz love taking the photos.. Hahaha.. Well, I wanna say happy Birthday to my cute and very annoying close fren Siddiq! Happy 22nd bdae! Is it 22?? Or 23?? Hiaz.. May God Bless you bro.. Hahaha.. Take care bro, thanks for teachin me lots of stuffs being a firefighter.. I really appreciate it man.. Take care! And dun worry, we'll find a girl to get u attached.. Who knows, this year u might juz get lucky.. Hehehe..

2007-02-20T15:37:00.000+08:00

Hey bloggers!! Sorry for not updating for quite a very long time.. I was busy with work and my personal life.. Hehehee.. Before i go on, i juz wanna wish all my chinese bloggers a very Happy Chinese New Year! Hahaha.. May you and your family be blessed with longevity and prosperity throughout the years.. Anyways, seen the pics taken? That was taken during Valentine's Day, yes, apparently Ria is inside cuz she needs to feel how single she is again while her bf is serving NS in Brunei.. Hahaha.. However, she got disgusted with all the couples tht day with flowers and gifts, if u asked me, yes she is indeed jealous.. Hahaha.. I know she misses her Beau very much, well gerl, now u know how it feels to be single and miserable again eh.. Hahahaha.. We took lots of pics.. Hehehe.. Using my new camera phone.. The 5300 Xpress Music Phone by nokia.. Hahaha.. Actually there's a lot more but u hav to check Ria's Blog..

Anyways, we spent our Valentine's day in the bowling alley at Marina Square.. After tht we hav dinner on Sid and Desserts on Ria herself at Secret Recipe.. It was a scrumptious dinner we had.. Hehehe.. Oh yeah, My hair's back!! Yeah.. Hahaha.. So let u all know la..

So as u can see i think tht's all i wanna blog abt.. nuthin much happenin really.. But at the same time, i'm gettin to know a lot of ppl, which is good.. Hmm..

This is more complicatin than i expected.. I dunno how to face this phase tht I'm gng thru right now.. But wadever it is, I dun wanna hurt or break ur heart..

2007-02-09T10:00:00.000+08:00

Ok these are some pics tht i SERIOUSLY don't know it existed.

4 weeks I'm in station life, lots of trouble people had given me, as I'm new. I thought i wasn't the only one who got bullied but apparently another rookie who went the same date and day as me, tends to be the bully as well, He's juz a manipulative bitch, arrogant, liar and a hypocrite. I'm in my boiling point tht i juz wish i had a knife and stab him right thru his heart. He's suppose to be helpin me, not supportin the bullies.. But wadeva, this ppl are juz ass-holes, I can go mentally crazy juz becuz of them. I sound like a loser with no frens around me, how pathetic is tht? I can't even get along with all these fags. They order me around like a dog, wad abt the other guy? Well, he's simply relaxing, smokin cigarattes upstairts with the seniors..

I hope all of them die.. They're nothin but a bunch of manipulative liars!

I think there some things being left in the grave tht need some diggin. I didn't expect myself to be a different person. Different in a bad way.. Why? Wad actually happened? I didn't see myself change? In physical wise yes but personality I'm not quite sure. I juz felt astray and empty now..

And to you, thanks for hearing all my cries, and i'm sorry i've put u thru so much. I appreciate everythin u did and yes i miss you too.. A lot actually..

2007-01-31T09:24:00.001+08:00

I can't thank you enough for wad you've done, but all i can do is to give you this poem specially written by me...

When I'm alone,
You're the 1st person to come across my mind,
Even when we're on the phone,
I juz felt tht you're already mine.

There's no need for you to shed a tear,
Feel your heart and you know tht I'm always right here.
When we're distance away, i juz felt your presence around,
When you're next to me there's nuthin can be bound.

You never make me so special like this before,
I felt like a bird just waitin to soar.
I can't thank you enough knowin tht you've done so much for me,
A person who juz took my breath away i'll never let u flee..

I miss you. . . I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart..

2007-01-31T09:24:00.000+08:00

2007-01-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

Happy Bdae Aee!!! And not forgetting Fareez as well!! Hahaha.. Sorry Fareez, i juz realised tht u dun hav a pic with me tho... Haha.. May God bless the both of you!

2007-01-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

Hello peeps!! Yeah, i'm back with a fresh new look on my blog.. I know i've been gone for long, been busy with NS and all the misfits tht fallen on to me for the past months. Been a very rocky start for the new 2007, with so much resolutions to keep up with, and so many responsibilities to carry.

In case some of u dunno, I've already passed out as a firefighter earlier this month, yeah, shockingly tht is for me.. Hahaha.. Which station i am now? Well, i'm being stationed at Jurong Fire Station. Yeah, with the pathetic Overall Best Trainee, which i dun really favour him tht much, cuz he's a bloody manipulative asshole.. Yeah.. Station Life is like back to square 1 in CDA cuz u will be bullied by some pathetic seniors. I'm like the quiet fireman down there, i dun really mingle much with them cuz I dun wanna make any wrong moves, as some of u readers who are close to me REALLY know who am i. . . Hiaz... It can't get any worser than this.. But i dun really wanna talk much abt werk here though cuz not in the mood for tht..

So ytd, i was at East Coast Park, celebrating our Beloved Aee's and Fareez's Bdae. We had BBQ, cakes and yeah not forgettin ICE CREAM!! The food was gr8 and i've met some1 along the way, this person was sittin at a corner, where one didn't really mix around, so i offered one a drink and we had a very long conversation due to our similarities such as one's in the same intake as i am and other common stuffs we had along the way, my brain was switched on for the past 48 hours tht night, didn't get any sleep. It was a very cold night but i had a lot of fun sharing things with this person, juz as interesting as much as i know one is and i somewad gave one a little surprise.. Hahaha.. Sorry if i was being too rude.. So when the time we had to bid our goodbyes, it was quite hard for me to see one left, cuz somewhat i kinda miss the one..

Yeah, after the long conversations, the walk and the laughs i juz felt we clicked well, i had a fun night and i have u to thank. Thanks and i miss you too....

2006-12-17T14:20:00.000+08:00

I juz love to hear this song by Justin Timberlake, so far i think this new album of his is surprisingly impressive. . Guys, listen to this song.. My recommendation. . .

"What Goes Around... / ...Comes Around Interlude"

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Can you tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that
What goes around comes around
Yeah
What goes around comes around
You should know that

Don't want to think about it (no)
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it (yeah)
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way things are going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around (should've known better that you were gonna make me cry)
That you were going to make me cry
Now it's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
But that's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

[Comes Around interlude:]

Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl
My heart bleeds girl
So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt
Just a classic case
A scenario
Tale as old as time
Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody
To cure the lonely nights
You wish you had somebody
That could come and make it right

But girl I ain't somebody with a lot of sympathy
You'll see

(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey
(What goes around comes back around)
I thought I told ya, hey

Yups, go listen to it.. it's really gr8. . .

2006-12-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

I juz love this 2 pics.. It perks me up as i was going thru the pics in Eek's com.. I miss these 2 gerls a lot.

Well i need to do shoppin!! Seriously!! I can't even fit in my jeans no more.. I'm gettin fat!! Fat!!! Well, not really la actually, juz tht i put on weight tht's all.. Yups.. Guess wad's my weight now? I'm 60 kg!! And i'm not kiddin.. I was 47 when i first entered NS. See how they feed u up like a pig.. Well, not really la like a pig.. Juz tht my body is filled with muscles and i can't even fit in my t-shirts.. Some are too tight.. Hahaha.. I seriously need a makeover or wardrobe assistant. .

Yesterday was our final IPPT test and guess wad did i get for my 2.4km? GOLD!! My timin is 9 mins and 18 secs.. I was surprised myself cuz never in my life i got gold for my 2.4. But overall the test i got was a Silver. Disappointin yes, but i managed to pass.. Phew.. I'm still very weak at my Standing Board Jump. I sucked!!!

This comin week 10 is gonna be more tougher than i thot. There's Ship fire which is very very horrible, there's HRCT test, well there's no use of me tellin u guys wad these things are though.. Haha.. But anyhow's, 2 more weeks to POP!!! I'm glad tht this nightmare is finally gonna be over.. Cuz I'm tired being treated like dogs. . . POP orh!!!

Hahaha...Hmmz, this is 1 thing i juz feel like pointin out, and if u readers happen to bombard me after readin this, is up to you la. When a happy event falls on Cempaka Biru, they planned, planned and planned as they day comes closer which ppl wud juz think tht it's really gonna happen but for some reasons or wad so eva whenever i'm in tht picture, the event juz got cancel OR people juz don't attend due to : werk, family probs, can't go out, follow mood. For once i can understand la, but why is it when it comes to me everytime, it always happen this way??

Is there any reason for this thing to happen? Some guys i haven't seen for like so long, when can i see them? I know they hav probs, but whenever i got confined or i'm in camp, they hav their plans organized and things happened to be planned perfectly but whenever i'm around, the total strength of Cempaka Biru is not there. It's a BIG disappointing for me as i always thought, am i jinx inside the group? or ppl are juz condemming me for no reason? I know it's irritatin to behave this way but i'm paranoid,why does it always happen this way??

Honestly, in every group tht I'm in, I juz felt left out. Updates, whos with who, wad happen to who and etc.. How irritating can it be? Hiaz... But my solution is to juz shut the fuck up and juz look and listen wad's gng on around me..

Before i end my post, i wanna thank the NOCHES for hanging out.. Gosh, i miss the old times tht we used to hang out at Afiq's.. If only the original gang were there ytd, rite Naha

My Belated B'dae Wishes To Syz'we and Khairullah! Happy Bdae Y'all... God Bless You guys always.. Take care and stay cool always...>

2006-12-09T10:25:00.000+08:00

Hey ya! I'm back after 2 weeks for not updating.. Guess wad?? I left 3 more weeks to POP!!!! hahaha... I can't wait actually.. After all the pain and suffering.. Hiaz.. How are you readers out there? Good? Well, i hope u guys are. . . And if u're feelin low and stress, think of somethin in the past tht u enjoyed, for example, with ur frens, family, or ur boyfriend girlfren.. Ok i dunno why i'm sayin all these stuffs but i guess some of my frens are feelin this way. So juz to cheer them up, tht's my advice to you guys.. Hahaha.. Ok i'm being lame here as always again..

Ok my NS life in firefighter course can be cocky but at the same time can be gr8.. I learned a lot.. Really... Well, juz a quick update, juz to let y'all know tht i'm fine.. 3 more weeks to POP. Hopefully get to pass out to station.. Insya-Allah... Love u all! Muacks!

2006-11-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

I dunno why but everytime when there's something good to look forward to, i tend to get pist off easily.. I'm pist for the fact tht i'm jealous. . Jealous of wad? Well, tht's up to u to decide.. My heart juz filled with rage together with anger and i think if i tend to blow up to any1, ppl will juz condammed me for sure. I hate this attitude of mine, It's been gng on for days.

I need some1 juz to comfort me.. Stress-free myself out.. This envyness is drivin me crazy. My emotions tend to snap off easily.. I have a heart of danger, danger tht i can make someone hate me for sure. I think it's due to the stress in camp.. Why do i hav to feel this way? wad can i do to make it go away?? It's drvin me crazy.. I apologise if i made any1 pist off with me.. It's juz my human nature..

Hiaz..

2006-11-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

Good morning guys, juz got back from camp on this Sunday mornin after being confined "for no good reason!" Yes, i got confined again for the 2nd time in my recruit life. Why? It's becuz 2 ass-holes in my Rota were caught smoking, and we were all too be blame. The funny thing is, why muz we be confined for somethin tht we didn't do?? They said once "Who caught smokin will be sent straight to DB!" Where's tht action? Why they didn't send these 2 idiots there? How the fuck does this system works??

Becuz of these 2, my plans for my weekends were shattered and i'm not even happy, with my own rota, which has been givin lots of problems, honestly, we are such a disgrace in this Firefighting course. I felt tht way too, no1 seems to co-operate at all.. They don't give a damm, after all the punishment tht were given by our SIR, i don't think it's enough for them. I had enough, and I'm not well..

6 more weeks, 6 more weeks in this crappy place and a very intensive and stressful course. I'm stressed up, i can't even get my brains straighten up, no 1 seems to care except for 1, and i'm thankful to tht person for hearing my cries.. Thank you very much.. I dunno how much stress can i handle, with the people, with the theory and practical, there's too much things for me to handle. I'm on a verge to do somethin that i wouldn't wanna do, but I will if i hav no other choice. But is it worth it for me? I need some1 to REALLY talk to me abt the situation i'm in. I need a damm good solution to get my mental brains fixed. I need help. . .

Dad has been receving court letters, and i'm very worried and been thinkin wad's gonna happen next.

My sister, i haven't seen her for almost 2 weeks, where the hell is she? I need updates from you, your blog stated u've been okay.. Seen tht smile on ur face, but in family wise, where are you?

To whom it may Concern....

I lost words for you,
I lost my confidence in you,
It's your life,
I can't control tht.
I hope u wake up to your senses 1 day.
I give up on you.
I'm disappointed in you,
I've tried,
and it was never good enough.
The day tht i hope you'll listen,
will never be here.
The day you show your appreciation,
will never be spoken.
Thanks for all tht. . .

One day when u're ready,
I'm here to listen,
Again. . . . . .

2006-11-12T10:23:00.000+08:00

This is a photo of me, recently taken. Look how ugly it is.. Hahaha.. Well, here are some updates abt me.

Things are not really going well for me at my firefighting course. I never really face a period of so much stress and pressure. I've managed to survived my 4 weeks in firefighting course and i have 8 more weeks to die there.. My bunkmates are juz worst than the previous ones at BRTC. Here in CDA, they don't really give tht much welfare, they fucked u upside down whenever u made a mistake. I'm not mentally strong. I juz felt tht my "mad" switch can go on anytime. Hiaz, i'm worried abt the weeks to come. Training is going to more tougher in weeks to come. I've learnt lots of stuffs for the past 4 weeks. Never trust any1.

Family. They say in order to keep the family bond stronger, u must never missed tht important essence, communication. Lots of downfall has been happenin in my family. Updates which i nvr been informed till i got myself booked out. My17 year old sister has been facing major problems of her own which she eventually put her life in jeopardy. I dunno wad has she's been up to until fights broke out. Not only tht, 2 years from now, i'm ready to face the biggest event tht i dun want it to happen but it leaves my mother with no choice. Migrating. I'm not the 1 who is migrating of course, but the bond as us siblings are. A part of me says i dun want them to leave, but this time there's no way out from this situation. I didn't know this day wud come and i didn't expect myself to face a lot of mishaps happenin around me. I've been keepin it from my friends, cuz i dun even know who to talk to other thn myself with this blog. I'm totally shattered with tears. There's more but i dun really wanna talk abt it. . .

Friends. I'm in a position where i dun like seein my best fren feelin so down, tht he felt suicidle, not moving on, in pain, which he thinks he don't deserve to be love. To u, if u are reading this, I know u are drown with your sorrows, facing u sometimes, it's hard to talk to u, lookin at those dilemmic eyes of yours, i dunno how u gonna pull thru.
I know you're hurt, hurt by a thing call love, but bro, know this, you deserved to be love, don't u even dare u say you're not, cuz u're a somebody tht ppl admired abt u, even tho u lose this obstacle who knows, u might be able to find some1 better than tht person, how long u're willin to wait?

How long u gonna traumatise urself in this kinda manner, how many more mellow entries tht u gonna out inside ur blog?

I know tht's ur blog and it's ur business but as ur best fren, i'm juz worried and i dun want to see u sufferin like this forever, u hav to accept the fact tht the person u fell in love is not comin back. It's time to take ur time to move on. Honestly, i've lost my best fren by a thing call love, and he's not here by my side anymore, even i'm tryin my best to comfort u but i eventually failed and not doing a good job. I want him back, back here happy, cheerful and cheeky, even tho u love hidin it, u're not really a good actor cuz i know u well enuf. Think abt it. And dun say the word "LOVE" doesn't exist in ur dictionary.

It will slowly come. Control ur emotions, don't let it control u, look at the people around u tht concerned abt u, they are worthy to give their love to u. U and tht person are not meant to be together. U gotta accept tht. I'm sorry for being harsh but as ur best fren, i want u to realise tht. Think abt tht.

2006-11-12T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's raya outing was a blast, for me tht is.. I hav lot more photos but too lazy to upload.. These are juz some of it.. Hahaha..

2006-11-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

A Song tht i wanna share with u guys tht really moved me. Here's the lyrics, enjoy. . . Will be abt myself very soon. . . if u wanna hear this song, it's available in my blog here, juz press play.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

2006-11-11T12:45:00.000+08:00

Testing Testing! Yeah!! I love my new blogskins! Updating soon!! Watch out for it!

2006-10-14T13:14:00.000+08:00

It's been 5 weeks already in BRTC for me, and it will my last there.. I won't be stayin there for BRT stage.. In fact, i'm posted out to firefighter course. Another 3 months of suffering! You guys must be thinkin "Hilmi? Fight fire? sure or not?" Yeah believe it or not, i'm not really happy to hear tht i got tht posting.. Seriously. . . It gives me goosebumps. . . My Sir Fairus knew tht i wasn't really happy knowin tht i want Medic course but he gave me encouragement and support tht i'll be ok there.. Well i hope so. Even though i heard the training is more tougher than the PTP stage, wah!!! I can't believe i'm going firefighter course!! Well some say i'm lucky enuf to be chosen, in my platoon, only abt 12 of us were chosen, so i guess it must be really a big deal.. Unfortunately, my best buddy, Chee Siong didn't get to Firefighter which i was lookin forward tht he would but he wasn't.. I'm gonna miss him man, always backed me out during our PTP stage. Well bro, thanks man. I really appreciate all the help and it was nice knowin u. Hope u get the vocation tht u wanted!

I'm wonderin how life's gonna be this monday.. Only time can tell..

Finally, i managed to be in good terms with my mum again, tears rolled down her cheeks as she was lookin at me at her front door, she missed me so badly, and i missed her a lot as i told her wad happen to my life, i told her abt the closest friends tht got my feet up again and help throughout this time. She was happy tht i had friends who helped me out, and she's lookin forward to meet those friends of mine, People like Eeks, Dalilah, Shadan, Asrie and Naser. We managed to catch up, and wad's been going on in her life now, I shared stories of my CD life, we talked for like 4 hours yesterday, i missed her, she's like my best friend. Even though she's going a tough time right now lookin for job, i managed to give her some money yesterday. Even though i can't cry now in front of her cuz i know those tears are suppose to hidden now.

1 week more to Hari Raya, Alhamdulillah... I'm glad..

Love life? While i was reading one of CB's blog, this guy stated tht the word LOVE now do not exist in his dictionary no more.. How sad rite? Even though i dunno wad's gng on his life now, but i hope he's ok. Just take it as a test.. Well for my story, things get way too confusing and complicated. Seriously, i dunno wad to believe in myself anymore, sometimes i ask myself, is it worth takin the risk? The risk of some1 gettin hurt? Or the risk of gettin myself hurt? I know at times in life we can't always get wad we want. Or u would juz sacrifice urself for tht friend's happiness? My love life has been mind blowing and scary and i'm too afraid of every1 tht i loved.

To you, i'm not sure how far this could go, whether u read this or not, maybe my posting came at a good time for us to take a break. For 1 thing, you loved to confused me with ur messages and the other, I dun even know wad u take me as. I'm here still reading ur msgs but 1 thing for sure, the more i see u, the more pain i'll get, i'm an envy person and u know tht, too much of tht can make me do somethin tht i wouldn't want to, if it happens tht u both are, I'm strayin away, don't even bother lookin for me, cuz i know u wouldn't care at all, i was right all along, u won't remember or u either u chose not to. The only way tht i can get over u, is to move on, and tht would take a long time. How long? That i dunno. But 1 thing for sure, i want you to be happy, so don't do anythin stupid juz becuz of me, i juz want u to be sure. I'll be ok and i know i'll live. But the times i've spent with u had been a great journey for me. Take care and i love you always. . . .

2006-10-08T02:29:00.000+08:00

Ok i was told tht my all my entries are all shit.. The person wants to know wad's happening inside my NS life.. So ok la, i tell you guys la.. Since my previous entries are all full of shits.. Hiaz... Ok then, here goes...

Oh ya, by the way.. NAHARIAH ASHRAF, Happy 21st Bdae! Hehe.. You're a big girl now, learn to take care of urself, and dun be too childish for all tht matter, and behave whenever u are with him. . . U know wad i mean la. . .

Surprisingly, 4 weeks passed.. And i survived inside BRTC despite the people i meet.. Yups, trainin has been tough and stories flew here and there, through instuctors i mean.. Not recruits.. Regular readers, u know wad i mean.. I even clear the air between 2 of my fellow bunkmates.. Cuz these 2 are my so far trusted and honest people i ever met. To think tht i got myself to medic post, dream on, i got myself to the firefighter interview, which i'm reluctant to do it, and i'm not even confident enuf to face it.. Hiaz.. I haven't even take my IPPT test due to my lower limb, strained... so hopefully this week, i get to take it and pass without any injury or wadsoever shit.. Hiaz.. Ok tomolo got to book in already.. Sianz, how time flies when it comes to bookin in... Sheesh, i hate my life. . . .

Toodles. . .

I love you, but there's no way u can get a clear picture wad i'm tryin to say to you. . . I wish things were tht simple to explain but day by day, it grows more complicated. . .

2006-10-07T03:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i juz wonder, will you ever think of me when i'm gone? I guess it's no use at all updating my blog.. Hiaz.. It's complicating.. So complicating.. I was mesmerising away as I walked through memory lane juz now.. So much memories, painful, hurtful, cheerful & never ever forget every single thing tht i went through, every minute of it, i realised tht i remembered it, even tho i tried not to, for some special reason.. Hiaz...

Somtimes i juz wonder, is there any1 there readin this or any entries of the past...

I'm sorry for blaming you. . . .

2006-10-01T02:35:00.001+08:00

The pain behind those eyes,

Blinded by the truth with all those lies,

Broken to pieces till i bleed,

Where does this situation lead?

I've been waitin for this moment for quite long,

Hearin this sad and lonely song,

How could u stop this ache?

The piercing of a heart that breaks.

It's excruciating thing to see you leave,

It's good to see some1 you can be happy with.

Here i am, lettin you go,

How I wish time move faster rather than slow.

I'm taking my chances to move on,

With lines being drawn.

I say with a heavy heart juz to say how much i love you,

I tried hard enough to love but somehow i know 1 day i'll manage to get through. . . .

I love you always. . . .

2006-09-30T14:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i juz wonder would any1 would care? I doubt so..

I guess i'm depressin myself..

Oh wad the hell...

Thank God i'm strong enough to fast..

With a Strained knee.. Walkin like a cripple..

2006-09-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

Seein myself for the last post with hair.. Hiaz...
My loved ones sent me off on tht day...
I hate goodbyes...

Well well, it has been a tiring week for me.. Training for really tough.. Ya who says it's not? Hahaha.. Being shouted most of the time my instructors, sergeants, and even the enciks and not forgettin the PTIs.. Hiaz.. I'm even confused and panic when in comes to greetin the Sirs and unsure abt the ranks.. Yes, i am officially a botak guy and a recruit.. Hiaz.. Hahaha.. wake up every mornin at 4 am.. sleep at 2159 hours.. Hahaha..

As for Bunkmates, it's been really tough for me to get along with them cuz yeah, they are all MATS for 1 thing.. And i'm tryin my best to adapt to it.. But i think i can only get along with the Chinese.. Seriously, most of them are quite nerds.. Hahaha.. No offense..

I'm tired... Sleepy..

Booked out yesterday, and met up with the loved ones, Asrie, Eeks and of course my dear sweet Dalilah... She said i already put on weight.. Hahaha.. Well yeah, i've been eatin like mad. Hahaha.. I'm like so excited when i get to see Dalilah.. Hmm, i guessed I must hav been missing her a lot.. Hehehe..

Well, the only way now, is to back off, i guessed it is time for you to be with some1 else now. I'm sorry I've been troubling you all these times, i really appreciate all the help u've been givin me. For all i know, i hav no place in your heart. It hurts me, and I will never be good enuf at all for you. So i'm juz gonna concentrate on my own stuffs and you do yours. Sorry tht i make u worry, u dun hav to anymore. Say things to me if you mean it, don juz say without doin it. I always love you and i indeed knew tht my emotions for you hav gone too far.. So I believe, i better back off now.. I hope u are happy with you life now.. Love ya always..

2006-09-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

2 more days to botak head... Hiaz...

The past 2 days hav been gr8.. been clubbin like hell with my frens, they threw me a farewell party tht i couldn't forget.. I love u guys.. Especially the people from Cempaka Biru, thanks for comin down. I'm glad to meet every1 of u for the last time hopefully not the last la, but i'm really glad i had fun with u guys.. Thanks for all the farewell gifts.. It's really very thotful.. Eeks, thank so much bro for all the treat.. I dunno how to repay u.. I like out of words and i can only say thanks.. Well thanks ok.. Dalilah Hani, i love u very much, at certain point u juz touched my heart and I'm glad tht i hav u part of my life.. Muacks!

You put urself up to this and all u want to do now is leave? how absurd can tht be? You are so predictable. It's not tht i wannt bitch abt u but please take the matter in a mature way, you know u can't always hav wad u want, it hurts, yes i know, but people move on. It maybe hard on you i understand, but bringin urself all this absurdness and stubborness won't gain anythin.. Who says u can't be friends? You may lose the person, but u didn't lose a wonderful friendship tht brings so many meanings behind it. Cherish tht.. The question is now, whether are u gonna be ok? 1 thing for sure, i know, you'll live.. My words maybe harsh to you but, ya, please, do wadeva u think it's right, i won't stop u from anythin but, get the facts right. Know wad the consequences are before u react to it.. I hope my words may lighten u up and make u realised.. Well, u know who u are, if u're reading this.. Thanks. . . . . .

2006-09-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

I'm not countin the days but i'm countin the hours tht i have left.. How i'm gonna spend it? and who are the very people tht i want to see most of it... Hiaz, it's like i'm the boyfriend of all my friends.. I love them and adore them very much.. Gonna miss them..

I love you but i know u can take care of urself, i juz love you, tht's all i know.. I hope u think of me as much as i think of u...

2006-08-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

Woah.. I'm back guys, sorry for being MIA for so long, cuz firstly, i've been banned from using the com at my mum's house.. Which i dun really wanna explain here actually, but the 1 who has been updatin my blog is my sweet Dalilah Hani.. Thanks girl for everythin.. Anyways, the poems are written by me and of course i wrote it in a paper and gave it to Dalilah to help me type it down..

Sorry for the trouble girl..

Less than 2 weeks away, i'm gonna take a new path.. Yup, NS life.. I hope i get to be a better person and also be a better man and the ways of my maturity.. I'm really glad with the people that i always linger with, people like Dalilah, Eeks, Asrie, Shadan and Nasir, they really gave me strengths throughout my whole journey for the past few weeks.. And not forgettin sharin my laughs with the 1 tht used to slap me, yes Nahariah Ashraf, I'm talkin abt you baby.. I know ur boy is leavin very soon, but dun worry, you still hav me, Afiq and Red Rhino around.. Hahaha.. I hope u know wad i mean though.. Knowin you'll be celebrating ur 2 years with him very soon, i wish you all the best ok..

I got to say, certain things i can't really fix tht easily.. Hiaz.. I miss her badly.. Yes i know, even though how bad she is, or how temperamental she is, i hav to accept the way she is, and if only she know wad i've been thru instead of thinkin tht i'm enjoyin life and wouldn't care abt the internal affairs, for the record, i still miss her and love her. But it's not the time yet for me to approach her and say how sorry i was, being irresponsible son and a brother.. I guess she was right, i am selfish and pathetic... I love her a lot, and she is of all people tht i wanted her to see me off on the 12 Sept. I guess tht won't happen cuz i created so much sins towards her and God.. Hiaz... I hope the fasting month helps me destroys all the temptations i had.. I juz love to throw the darkness away from me.. It's been crampin up all over and i can't really get out...

I've come to the end of this entry and hopefully it won't be the last, cuz i had so much things tht i need express it out, be it love, friendship, family, sadness and happiness.. I love all the people tht hav been surroundin me.. You guys juz make my day everytime i see u guys.. Especially you, you know who u are...

This is me Signin out from Afiq's crib..

2006-08-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

Dalilah...teman ku sejati
Ketika ku sedih, kau selalu berada di sisi.
Senyuman manismu yang ku selalu ingati,
Kaulah sahabat yang ku selalu sanjungi
Wanita yang sopan dan penuh kesabaran
Seorang insan ku berkongsi sama tangisan
Ku bersyukur segala jasa ku diberi,
Dan ku berterima kasih kerna kau di hidup ku hingga masa kini.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Repeating the songs that I love to hear,
Just hoping you're next to me, right here.
Sitting in the train now and wondering where to go,
How the time flies very slow.
Been thinking about you and how I miss you so,
I will never be angry at you just that much as I know.
Forgive my inconsiderate yet rude sayings,
I never thought I am such a selfish human being.
You offered me a helping hand as I need you,
I hope you treat me the same as much as I want to.
You are someone who doesnt really give up hope,
No matter what obstacle you face, you still can cope.
You're like the cloud up in the sky high,
Whenever I look up, you're still there and remind me not to give up and try.
I believe you as much as I need to,
You're my inspiration and makes me smile like you always do.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Suara merdu yang menarik hatiku,
Pabila ku dengar teringat kerinduanmu
Matamu yang tajam yang ku terbayang,
Menyanyi lagu Kak Siti yang kau selalu sayang.
Di belakang senyuman ada merana
Jikalau kau hendak berbual, di sini ku berada
Ku biadap pabila kau menghiburku,
Maafkanlah jika ku tersinggung perasaanmu itu.
Sebalik berkawan lama ada hikmahnya,
Bermusuh-musuhan ada akibatnya
Ku tahu ku tidak menunjuk perasaan yang ikhlas,
Jangan salah faham, hati baikmu selalu ku lihat dengan jelas.

2006-08-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

What is the meaning behind those stares?
The moment I look deeply into your eyes
What else that I need to know that you showed your care?
To me, it's about denial and your lies.
When you start to realise that I put you into so much appreciation?
That I really cared for you but I guess it was you being oblivious.
Am I not trying too hard upon consideration?
However when you're around maybe I was being delirious.
Is this too long for me to be in this kind of delusion?
I deserve to make a fool out of myself and being ashamed.
How I wish I could get out from this illusion
No matter what, I feel that I'm the one who suppose to put the blame.

p/s: To you who lost the phone, just to let you know i'm not angry with you. Im ok.

2006-08-22T16:37:00.000+08:00

Ok seriously i hav no idea how and wad to update cuz i had lots and lots of fun during my weekends!! Seriously.. and guess wad? i think i got darker.. Yeah! I think.. Well, we had rough sports yes i mean it, very rough!

Nasir, may look timid but he is as rough as a bull dog!! Believe me.. Some pics were taken by my very own best fren Eeks.. See himself buryin in sand.. Hahaha.. Well it was cute though.. Thanks Eeks. And Dalilah, i really appreciate all the help tht 2 days when u were there buyin for us breakfast and all tht.. I hope we didn't trouble u too much.. Guilty thot here gerl! Hahaha..

Hot bods, murderin each other, massage, rugby, captain's ball, BANTAL PELUK, (Oops! personal joke!) spin the bottle, truth and dare, hauntin ghost stories, drownin each other at the sea, dancin, cam-whoring, Uno, Taiti, spillin of cold-drinks everywhere, cryin to each other, confessions, confrontations, uncovered truths..

Hahahaha.. That's somethin i mentioned briefly..

2 weeks more to go.. Enjoy while i can.. Hiaz...

ps: You seem to disappear now, i know it's weird as it sounds, but some things are meant to be bound, it always hurts when havin you around... But thanks... for everything..

2006-08-18T14:31:00.000+08:00

Did u even bother to call?

2006-08-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

Well well, the week has really been rough for me.. I apologise for the past entry.. It's been a long time i haven't wrote anythin.. I mean poems.. I used to write tht last time.. But i actually missed writtin it though.. Well, to you who is readin this, i wanna say sorry, yes i read ur blog, i dunno u felt tht way.. But it has nuthin to do with u.. I wanna say thanks to u.. And to the person who talked some sense to me for 2 hours tht night over the phone, i wanna say, u really truly are a great friend. I really appreciate for all tht positive sayin, If it not were for you, i dun think i'll be here right now typin all this.. Love you lots! And this i dedicate it to the people who are so CLOSE to me.. I didn't realise tht u guys were there for me all this while till i did.. So here goes..

There's a part we share our sorrows,
Wherever I'll be, you'll be there to follow.
As days go by, more complications occur,
With the advice you gave, there i am to conquer.
The strength you gave in any situation I've been through,
I'll never take it for granted & I ensure tht I'll never lose a person like you.
All this while i wish to be forgiven,
With the melancholy mind that i hav driven.
Though we had our weaknesses and strengths,
Its the friendship tht keeps us together in the same length.
Let bygones be bygones,
Like wad u said, throw away the negativity and let's move on.
Every single word u said to me, made me realised,
That how important you guys are, in my daily lives..

Thanks...

I hope You liked it, i know my english is a bit rojak but, i hope you guys understand wad i'm tryin to say.. Love you lots..

2006-08-15T18:00:00.000+08:00

I remembered this picture tht Roxanne drew me.. The guy of course la not the gerl. It looks so cute.. and i really appreciate her.. I miss her a lot man... Sorry for you lost Rox..

Anyways, this entry is juz somethin i would like confront. Not to any1, juz for myself..

When would u realise that everytime u wake up, u did the same thing all over and over again?

You get restless and feel helpless all the time, doing nothin.. You heard me right, doing nothing...

We know that when everytime, this kind of things happen, we complain and we complain, and there's nothing we could do.

As you know, my character feel with envy. Envy here and there. I know tht I'm the kind of person who do not have talents like most of my friends, 1 is an Artist, the other is Photographer, a dancer, a comedian and a singer. All of us hav talents, tht i hav to admit, some are juz multi-talented.

Wad talent do i hav? My talent is complain. Cuz tht's wad i'm always good at, not finding a solution but juz complain. I felt stupid. And a person like me SHOULD be sanitised away from ppl who are good at somethin. This is not an entry of negativity but this is juz somethin i felt all these while.

Karma. They say you do good things and in return you get somethin good. Well, maybe tht's true. But it's never fair for me. I did something good, but in the end, i got discriminated, hurt, insulted and being look down by some people.

There's a whole in my soul. I don't even know where, where am i standing right now? wad am i about to face in future? Wad abt the consequences tht i should face? I can't predict the future. I always complain, knowin i complained too much till i got sicked of it, i then realised tht there's no use of me complainin or comparing or bullshiting around cuz i know, i'm used to it, i know tht these are the things i need to go thru, the things tht i hav to adapt with. All these things can be put to an end. But how? How do i hav to face all these pain. I juz envied people who hav a good life, good talents, things tht they can do tht i can't.

Is this somethin I hav to live with all my life? Hiaz.. Only now, GOD knows...

2006-08-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

Ok the adventures of Hilly, Dalilah and Billy was real fun! Hahaha.. Lookin at the pics, i really envyed the both of them.. Both of them look very photogenic.. Muahaha.. And also lookin cute.. And i'm juz the extras inside the pics.. Muahahaha.. Anywhos, the week has really been gr8 for me. And also gr8 for the 3 of us, We finally got to watch the Final Fireworks, and the old Sheares Bridge Highway there.. We took lots of pics.. And I'm glad it ended well, despite the road accident i saw and the fainted lady sittin next to us..

And guess wad, the NS letter came and i'm going to Civil Defence! Yay!! Well, i think i'm gonna be the next MAT CD tht Ria's gonna call me by then.. Bitch.. Hahaha.. Well, can't wait to go in tho.. Gonna suffer there as well.. Hahaha.. So there u hav it.. Wish me luck guys..

It's easy to suggest a quick solution when you don't know much about the problem,
when you don't understand the underline caused,
or just how deep the wound really is.

We're suppose to forget the past that landed us here,
Ignore the future complications that might rise & go for a quick fix.

The world is full of unexpected twist and turns & juz when you gotten the
lay of the land, the ground underneath you ships & knocks you off your feet.

Some wounds are deeper than they juz first appear, & require more than just a quick fix.

With some wound, you have to ripped off the bandage, let them breathe & give them time to heal.

Hmm, i juz loved to hear these kind of stuffs..

2006-08-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

U want an update? Here's an update for u ok! I know the past entries has been quite boring for my readers reading TV shows tht i've posted.. Well, here's something about my life.. Hahaha.. Anyways, the past few days been really exhausting yet fun as well.. Hahaha.. Been watchin fireworks with Dalilah, Eeks, Shadan, Ina, Yan and of course me! Hahaha.. We were at the National Stadium for 1 last time seeing the firewerks there.. It was Awesome!!

Yesterday was better, even thought no fireworks were appeared, we had a walkin marathon. I think it's better than Big Walk, with the laughs and the photos taken it was really exciting, and guess wad, i fell down and covered my shirt with Mud after chasing tht idiotic Eeks. Grr.. I wanna kill you Eek! We were from Bedok ---> East Coast Park ---> Yishun ---> Safra Yishun ---> Seletar Reservoir ---> Home Sweet Home..

But it was all worth it.. Seriously worth it.. I tend to get things out of my mind and enjoy with my 2 other Amigos cam-whoring.. Not only tht! They were picking on me. Siapalah aku ni kan?? Hahaha... Modellin the whole day was fun, laughin till i get stomachache and laugh and laugh the whole day..

The aches all over my body was really fun.. Hahaha.. Oh well, gng off now, wanna watch fireworks again!! Chiaoz!

Find a penny and pick it up, and all day long you get good luck..

2006-08-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

Everytime when i watched a season finale of a TV show tht i loved, it always ends with a question mark. Why? Why do they always do tht? I know, they want more twist and turns in the story, which i find tht amusing or rather TEMPTIN, for more....

Well, the season finale of Desperate Housewives did came to a good ending yet, mystery. It's a dark ending which viewers might find it curious to know wad has really happen back in Wisteria Lane.. Hmm.. I'm happy tht this season has ended well might be becuz tht i'm gng NS, so it's a good thing they hav ended, who knows, maybe i can get to watch it next year.. Well, the season 3 won't be shown tht fast right? Hahaha..

As for Grey's Anatomy, it was really surprisin to see 1 of the intern has fallen in love for Dr Grey. So exciting! Yikes.. Hahaha.. Can't wait to see the next week's episode..

2006-08-04T12:53:00.000+08:00

Ok this show brings me back my memories.. Memories tht me and Ria always like talkin abt it all the time.. Wad is gng to happen next and all tht crap.. Hahaha.. Yeah, so now, the season 3 returns with a new twist of Ryan and Marissa's love life, not forgettin their troubles gettin back in school with a new disciplinary teacher played by Eric Mabius, things gets more scandalous.

Not forgettin the hilarious comic-fan Seth Cohen and his girlfren Summer Roberts, all seem to go well with these 2.. I think.. Hahaha.. Well, The OC shows at 12 midnight on Tuesdays, well of course this comin episode will not be shown due to the holidays of National Day. I juz love The OC..

Ok 1 piece of good news, i got shortlisted to become 987fm Control. Well it's somethin like a competition i think. A Radio DJ competition of course. Hahaha.. Well, firstly, i was shocked to receive a call from them askin me to go to the auditions next week wednesday at 9am at Mediacorp Caldecott Broadcast Centre. And things i need to do, my NRIC, my Passport size photo and also 30 seconds of Entertainment news. How am i suppose to find tht?? Darn it.. I didn't expect to get myself shortlisted becuz i thought it juz for the fun of it, who knows i may not get shortlisted but they called me yesterday and i was pretty shocked abt it.. How?? Hahaha.. So i juz need all my frens to support me and give lots of encouragement.. Maybe with all tht i can get thru the audition.. Hehehe.. So tht's it ppl.. take care!

2006-08-01T12:47:00.000+08:00

Hello guys, i juz love watching Grey's Anatomy. Every week it the episodes gets more and more interesting and not only tht, i love Dr Grey's Monologue. Some of words makes me think how complicated of lives can be everyday, but there are also things tht i learnt while watching tht show.. Certain things u hav to believe wad is gng on.. I love u Dr. Grey! Who watched yesterday's episode? I almost cried watchin it. I thot Dr. Grey is gng to die.. Hahaha.. But she didn't. Thank God..

Anyways, let's skip tht ok.. Anyways, i hate to top up my prepaid card!! Cuz whenever i topped up no 1 even care to call, when it's low, there's so many ass-holes trie reachin me.. Gosh i hate tht.. Waste my money je.. Hiaz.. Wadeva la..

2006-07-27T17:03:00.000+08:00

Ok i'm back after so long.. Hahaha.. Had a crazy time takin pics with all this crazy frens of mine. And i'm glad tht i've changed my blog address. Well, more to tht later.. Hahaha.. Ok, anyways, juz came back from my 2nd Medical checkup at CMPB, and thank GOD my PES remained unchanged.

Yup, i'm still PES A!! yeah!! Wad happen was tht, the doctor complimented me! Yup u heard tht right, and i was taken by surprised actually. He said tht of all the 45 ppl tht went inside his office for the final check, i was the 1st guy who is the healthiest guy in tht mornin batch. Hahaha... I'm not tryin to boast la, but nobody can never call me skinny ok!! Hahaha.. I'm fit and i exercise well ok.. Hahaha.. What i'm worried abt is where exactly am i situated at? Police? Army? Or CD? Hmm... The trainin is gng to be tough, i'm gonna miss my frens. The chaotic ppl tht I'm always with. Hiaz.. All the best to me then..

2006-07-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

Juz to let u know..

I hate you.. I hate you.. I hate you.. Got tht.. You're manipulative, covering-up sad ass bitch.. Hearin ur voice makes me sick. Seein you makes me wanna puke.. Bitch... You don't have a future..

Thanks for ruinin me, I'm glad u won this. U won without knowin. Thank God I'm going.. If I'm stayin, i'll guess i'll caused more destruction. Fark it..

2006-07-17T13:33:00.000+08:00

Ok readers, I'm so so sorry haven't been updating my blog for like a week plus i guess?? Anyways, there's a reason i put this picture. I wanna send my million apologies to these 2 gerls for coming to my play at Pasir Ris last week which was CANCELLED and it was my BIGGEST mistake for not tellin them.. I'm so so sorry girls. Readin Ria's blog really affected me badly tht drove me to tears.

Lots of critics in her entry which makes me go OUCH! Anyways, i deserve it though.. But we gotta move on.. Forgive and forget.. Ok the past week, I'm werkin my ass off to pay my bills, and yes it's really a pain the ass.. But anyways, the last performance we didn't get to perform due to bad weather, that's where I came in and unintentionally forgot about the people tht i truly loved.. I'm sorry Gang.. I really am.. Anyways, been werkin my ass of for 12 hours in 4 straight days.. Gosh, it was damm tiring..

My weekends i spend it well, yesterday and the day before, it was really cool.. Finally i got to spend time with Sid and Dalilah, went to watch movie with both of them, Thanks Sid for the treat. Pirates of the Carribean is really COOL!! You guys hav to watch it.. I rate it 3 and a half stars.. Hahaha.. The movie has more humour and more mysteries uncovered about Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner.. Hahaha.. And the villain, is way cooler than i thought it would. Davy Jones, hmm, I'm lookin forward more in the character for the 3rd installment, and yes there will be some1 from part 1 returns, i won't tell but u guys gotta see for urself.. Hehehe..

I'm counting the days where my date for NS is comin.. Very soon.. And I'm lookin forward to the farwell party tht Jac and Rox hav planned for me.. Not sure when, but i'll be inviting the people tht i want them to come.. Hahaha.. It will be fun..

Come to think of it, i really miss the cast of Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.. Especially Rox and Jac. I missed the cam-whoring days together.. Hiaz... Well, there u hav it, i've updated my blog already and not to worry i won't leave danger around it, right dee?? Hahaha.. Well take care then, till next time.. Muacks!!

2006-07-05T14:20:00.000+08:00

The Quiz
1. Do the following without complaints
2. Choose 5 persons to do this after you have completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the persons' tagboard to say he/she has been tagged

Favourites
Favourite Colour: Green
Favourite Food: Nasi Pattaya
Favourite Song: Deja Vu - Beyonce
Favourite Movie: Silent Hill & Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest
Favourite Sport: Running
Favourite Day of the Week: Mondays! Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy nights!
Favourite Ice Cream: Strawberry And Peppermint Chip
Favourite TV Shows: Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Charmed.

Currents
Current Mood: Fucked..
Current Taste: Taste Like Chicken.
Current Clothes: Green TopMan Shirt and Jeans
Current Desktop: Picture of me!!
Current Toenail Colour: Natural
Current Time: 1432 hours
Current Annoyance: Doin this quiz, gosh, so many things to write.
Current Thoughts: I'm Thinkin of You right now...

First
First Best Friend: Nahariah
First Crush: Hehehe.. It was girl by the name of Norshidah back in my primary skool days, she's married now.
First Movie: Jurassic Park
First Lie: Can't really recall..
First Music: Tearin Up My Heart -N'Sync

Last
Last Cigarette: I dun smoke!
Last Drink: Heaven And Earth Green Tea
Last Car Ride: Hmm, 3 weeks ago, in my mum's.
Last Crush: for me to know and you to find out~ list goes on...
Last Phone Call: With Shadan
Last CD played: Destiny's Child #1's

Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Nopes
Have you ever broken the law: shoplift. Nuthin to be proud of actually..
Have you ever been arrested: ya
Have you ever skinny dipped: No.
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: yups. Don't ask Who..

5persons I've tagged:
Dalilah
Ria
Rafiq
Billy
Pak Jot

2006-07-04T18:10:00.000+08:00

Damm, ok i've been very unlucky to be chosen for participating Quiz.. Muahaha.. Well wat the hell, i think i deserve it since i had not started by job, so thanks to Shukri, very the much, I'll do this juz to kill time.. But it's fun anyways...

Ok, i got to write a post with 24 interesting facts/things/habits/about myself. Then I've to tag 6 people and they got to do it.. Ok wadeva i write here are the facts. So believe it or not.. Take it Or leave it.

1. I wanna be an actor, any kind be it theatre or tv.

2. I'm the type of person who gorge myself with junk food whenever I'm depressed.

3. I truly hate crowded places, espcially strangers who walked in front of me super slow. Feel like kickin their butt!

4. Believe It Or Not, I got a third eye, tht's up to u to believe..

5. I love watchin Anime! Especially Final Fantasy: Advent Children

6. If i see an old enemy or shud i say bullies from Primary or Secondary school, I ignore them and i pretended not to know them. They're bunch of fuck ups..

7. I tend to be forgetful abt stuffs tht has been told to like nanoseconds ago, but i can remember things tht are from the past, like, birthdays!!

8. I tend to be very self-conscious, very paranoid. Believe me.. U dun wanna see it..

9. Punctuality is very my number 1 priority.

10. People mistaken for my best intentions.

11. I don't play soccer or watchin it, cuz i juz don't understand it, 2 teams of famous footballers are juz chasing a ball, don't they hav their own balls to play?

12. I'm learing sign language, learn tht! It's really cool! I learn my ABCs!

13. I'm not a big fan of Japanese/Korean/Thai horror movies. I can't sleep and can't forget the face of whoever whose playin the freaky long haired ghost.

14. Don't misjudge me, i listened to Classical Music. Muahaha.. Name 1? Oh Vanessa Mae! She Rawks!

15. I am certified to be a cam-whore!

16. Writing Poems has been always my favourite pastime. Now i'm learnin more of writin Malay Poems.

17. I've been known as the guy with the good listener, meanin to say i love to help ppl, givin advices and stuffs..

18. Sometimes, when i'm too nice and helped them enuf, they tend to forget me and juz step all over my face.

19. I love bangles from Rastafari at Marina Square.

20. Honestly i can't believe I'm sayin this, but, I tend to be spendthrift.

21. Mondays and Fridays i hav to be home cuz i need to watch Desperate Housewives and Charmed. TV is important!

22. I have nice brown eyes. Seriously, i got lots of comments abt my eyes.

23. I love strawberries. Don't stop me from eatin them.

24. I love Oprah and Ellen Degeneres Show. They are really cool!

6 lucky ppl to do this quiz:
Naha
Dalilah Hani
Rafiq
Billy
LALA
Kurseth (yes you bitch!)

Ok tht's it for now.. Take care people!

2006-07-03T18:56:00.000+08:00

Ok wad do u know, we had a gr8 time at East Coast Park.. Muahaha.. Anyways, ya we did.. Especially me, Rox And Jac.. See from the pics, so much jiwangz here and there.. Hahaha.. The whole has been gr8 for me. Felt like I'm over the moon. Seriously.. Ok the army cap, isn't mine. It belongs to Jac. Performance on Sunday was awesome!! Really cool and feelin gr8. I wanna thank, Yana, Kin, Casie, Hairul, Danny, Idil and Dominic for comin to my show.. Really nice to see you guys there..

Lookin at the pictures, i was laughin away, there was 1 close up picture of me tht Rox secretly took, and guess wad the girls say? I look like a model.. Very Flattering, but i dun think so la.. Model? Me? Wait long long la, such a ugly picture, i dun really want to post it.. Hehe.. And the 1 with the blusher on my cheeks, yeah tht was after the performance, really red huh? Yeah.. Muahaha.. They wanna pinch my cheeks!! Eeks!!

Anyways, the last performance will be this coming Sat and Sun, Pasir Ris Park, 6pm. So for those who wanna see my performance, this will be your last chance.. To see me tht is, cuz after tht, I'll be super busy preparing myself for NS in Sept 12 and also I'll be werkin as a teacher teaching Kids, yeah, u heard tht right, werkin somethin like an excursion teacher. COOL rite? Yeah i know, and kids will be addressin me as Mr Hilmi.. Aww.. Ain't tht cute? Hahaha.. I hope I'm ok to be a teacher..

Once this performance finish, I'm gonna miss Rox, Jac and of course Adi. We had lots of fun.. Super fun.. Ok guys, comment the pix, and hope u enjoy your week ahead..

This is for you: I miss you so much, so much tht i juz wish you're next to me. I juz wanna let u know tht.. I hope u're ok, even the sadness i see in ur eyes.. Cheer up and smile when u see me.. And i'll be happy to heal your wounds..

2006-07-03T18:45:00.000+08:00

2006-06-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

Ok thanks to sweet Dalilah Hani for askin me to participate in this quiz, so i might as well rot my time writtin this junk.

WARNING!! Certain questions i happily put in myself ok Dalilah.. My apologies..

3 Schools I went to:
Yung An Primary (Dun ask me where, cuz the place is history already)
Tanglin Sec Shool (Tragic yet not a very memorable school life there)
ITE Balestier (which changes my life completely *winks*)

3 things i put inside my bag:
My Creative TX fm MUVO Mp3 Player!
A novel titled Love Rat (I love this book)
My sketch book, juz to write rubbish, notes, poems and etc..

3 things I do When I'm stressed:
Write poems of expressions
Talk to my very best fren
Chillin Out at Esplanade alone

3 places i go on DailyBasis:
My Room
My Living Room
And my make up room which is the Toilet

3 Favourite Fruits:
Strawberries!!!
Guava
Rock Melon

3 Favourite Food Of Mine:
Anythin to do with Cheese and Spices!! Yummys...
Sambal Goreng!
Sambal Kankong

3 names I go by:
Hilly
Emy
Abang (I'm the eldest in my family)

3 things i'm wearin now:
White T-shirt
Long Jamaican Pants
My Favourite Blue Boxers

The WHO'S

Who's In The House With Me:
My Dad
My Bitchy Sister

Who Am I thinkin Of Right Now:
Well, umm, hehehe, dun want to say la. I Shy..

Who's the last person whom i talk to on phone.
Well, this person has a very cute voice.. I lioke..

Who did I sit during my 5th Period Class?
Isn't tht like recess?? I mean how the hell would i know??

Who was the Last Person I told that I loved?
Hmm, Some1 with the Name of Waheeda! Muahaha..

Who do I wish I am with right now?
Well, umm, Waheeda.. I like her very much..

Who gets on my nerves In School?
Got to be Eric, cuz he always ask questions which he already knew the answer, but still, i love havin him around, he's my bro in school!

The Where's:
Where is my phone?
Juz sittin next to the laptop

Where do i sleep?
Well, i got a clean room now, so I'm sleepin in my room instead of the living room.

Where is the place tht i took A ride to?
A ride to my performance at West Coast Park in courtesy of Bear Ajai in his Kawasaki Motorbike. Thanks!

The WHATS!!

What was the Last Dish I ate?
Macroni Goreng

What Color Shirt Am I wearing?
White!!

What do i wear often? Jeans or shorts?
Jeans.. Shorts? too much info.. heheh..

What was thE Last Movie I've watched?
Hmm, i think She's The Man. Damm Hilarious..

The Whens

When Did i Start Skool?
Hmm.. In PAP which was like 15 years ago? i think..

When did i Last go to the Mall?
For shoppin? well it was last month i think..

When did i last burn somethin?
Well, back where i was werkin at Secret Recipe, I scalded by hand with hot water.. Accidentally of cuz..

When was the last time u received a shockin news about urself?
Well, it was 3 days ago, i got this NS letter for further reporting.. Finally after so long, where am i situated at? That, i dunno, cuz i need to go for check up again to confirm my PES again.

3 unlucky people need to do this quiz:
1) Billy! U better do this quiz u billy boy! If not, i will haunt u down!
2) Shukri. Yes you..
3) Ajai! Bear u betta do this ok!

2006-06-20T14:08:00.000+08:00

Ok as of now, I'm still considered myself unEMPLOYED OK!! Seems to me, wad's stoppin from werk is this Drama Production gng on, so i can't werk on weekends.. Wad happen to the last job? Or shud i said unpaid training, well for 1 thing i hav to handle Pork!! And wth, it's more than tht.. I wouldn't wanna blog it here.. It's farked up.. I need a job badly..

Ok performance last week was really a blast!! The turn out on Sunday is damm a lot!! Hahaha.. Surprisingly my father was there to watch my play.. Muahaha.. Thanks dad, i thot u wouldn't care at all.. So this weekend, we'll be performin at CCK park at 6 pm.. Yeah cool.. Last week we're cam-whorin badly.. With all the shades on, we're the so called celebs-to-be.. Hahaha.. Enjoy the pics..

2006-06-16T18:53:00.000+08:00

Ok wad's with all the goofy and craazy pics of me and my best buddy Jaclyn are takin? Well like i said b4, we are cam-whores.. Even though jac doesn't like takin pics, i forced her in it.. Hahaha.. Very funny when i see my pics.. Damm cute and comical.. Anyways, tomolo is the premiere of my show Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.. All the best casts, we've rehearsed like shit for the past 1 month and we gotta give our best during the performance.. Hehehe..

Somehow or rather, i like this only pic of mine.. Geez, do i look tht hunky?? Hahaha.. Ok wad the hell, i dun wanna flatter myself here.. Ok tomolo performance will be at West Coast Park, juz next to Macdonalds, it's at 6pm. So if some of u wanna surprise me please do.. Luv ya all..

And Mum, Happy 40th B'dae.. Thanks for being so patient with me all these years with all my childishness, my irresponsibilty towards the family, and not being there for u all the time, I'm sorry.. And I'm sorry if those tears of sadness and disappointness shed from ur eyes, you've showed me a lot of things, jadi orang susah, and help me become a better human being, without u, i won't be here standin. Even though u nag a lot, certain words i take and put inside my head.. I juz wanna say tht, I love love love love you so MUCH!!! "Mothers are God in the eyes of a Child." taken from the movie Silent Hill...

2006-06-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

2006-06-16T18:31:00.000+08:00

2006-06-16T18:17:00.000+08:00

2006-06-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

Ok i post 15 pics in 1 day.. Wahahaa.. So many things happen ok.. But ok 1 good thing ya, i got a job!! Finally!! Hahaha.. if u happen to read my blog profile in 1 of the navigations.. Yeah you'll know where i werk..

Besides tht, i love cam-whoring!! Look at all the goofy pics of mine.. Very Silly yet very vain of me takin pics of myself all the time.. Muahahaha.. I dunno abt u guys, juz observe the last pic.. The pic juz me and Md Nor, look behind Md nor, notice anythin weird? Liyana took tht pic, and she was freaked, and so was i!! Muahaha.. Md Nor thinks maybe some Banglas juz passin by, but c'mon la, if it's really a bangla, we would hav seen his face, and tht day we didn't notice any1 around.. Maybe juz my imagination la.. Muahaha..

Anyways, dat day we went to watch Silent Hill!! It's a damm cool movie of the year la!! I know I'm not a big fan of horror but this is the best of the best horror films i've ever watched!! It's 3 times better than Resident Evil!! U guys must go watch it!! To hell with the paper reviews, they sucked!! Muahaha.. Anyways, this is me signin out now, oh ya, hope u guys love the new blogskin.. Tag tag tag me ok!!

PS: The second post tht i put all the pics especially the 4th one, with the only girl in front smilin, tht's draz and i took tht pics!! I like the effect!! Nice.. Wad can i say right? I love capture the nice moments.. Muahahaha.. Flatterin myself here.. (*winks winks*)

2006-06-15T13:23:00.000+08:00

2006-06-15T13:19:00.000+08:00

2006-06-08T13:51:00.000+08:00

Ok it's been a long time haven't been updatin.. Lots of unfortunate events had happen to me.. Downfall and all the crap.. Can't sleep for like 2 days already.. I'm suffering from Insomnia i guess. I cut my hair.. And Kur said it's damm ugly.. Thanks bitch.. Made lots of nice and new frens the past few days.. I lioke.. Come to think of it, i guess my hair really is ugly.. Hiaz.. Shouldn't cut it at all..

I'm so contradicting.. I dunno wad i want.. I'm fucked up.. Wad Zaid say is right too.. Hmm..

Finally some1 came up the idea of gng out of country!! Hahaha.. I really need it.. Need a freakin vocation.. Somethin like a roadtrip.. Where i can free my mind from all the troubles tht i've been entangled myself with..

Must start savin for the trip.. But how??

I need a bloody job now!!

SOS any1?

2006-06-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

Hmm, So weird, the other time i saw a fren of mine at Starbucks, and she was with 2 other friends of hers. Then, 1 of her fren said tht "Your fren looks hot!" Hahaha.. Am I that hot?? Hehehe.. Wee.. Thanks for the flatterin comment.. Hmm.. I guess i wanna cut my hair!! I look like a damm lion head now.. Gonna cut it tomolo!! Finally.. Bye long hair!! I look ridiculous..

I think tht's all i wanna blog now.. Hahaha.. Can't wait for tomolo..

2006-05-30T18:21:00.000+08:00

I wrote to you a short and simple poem after you left:

If there's A chance for you to stay,
I'll be the happiest person cuz you've make my day.
If there's 1 day i don't blush,
I want you to be there, for you are my crush.
I hope this poem make you smile,
Which i never did it for a quite a long while.
Thanks again...

Surprisingly, the person replied to me:

If somehow the sands of time were to freeze,
I'd be happy to stay,
Just like the breeze,
Though U May Not see Me,
Have Faith the I'm by your side all throughout your night and day...

It's the sweetest thing tht i ever heard from you. And you make my day today as always by talkin on the phone with you.. I had enuf laughs today, even it means not seein you today but wad the hell, u are 1 damm funny person.. Hahaha.. Lookin forward to the outing.. Knowing tht the hp i'm using is gonna be gone tomolo, i juz wanna post this on the blog so tht i can remember wad u wrote to me.. Thanks again..

2006-05-29T15:05:00.000+08:00

Cam whoring session again!! Nice.. Hahaha..
Anyways, X3 was way too disappointing for me, so much with Angel, Phoenix and Cyclops and not forgettin Mystique. So nonsense, juz killin all the characters juz like tht.. So plain and dull.. I was expectin more actions from angel.. Hiaz.. So disappointin.. Stupid Brat Ratner. It should be Bryan Singer suppose to direct the show and produce it. Hiaz.
Anyways, this pics are taken when me, Hani and Ria went to job interview. Yeah, and went to watch Over the Hedge. Veery very hilarious! I love it very much.. Better than Madagascar.. I like the character Hammy, so funny...

I'm feelin gr8 nowadays, cheerful, fun and relaxed. Especially when i see this person almost everyday. Hmm, this person makes me smile. A lot.. Hehehe...

2006-05-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

Last week pics updated!! Have fun lookin at it.. Yesterday's pic, comin out soon!! Have a great weekend!!

Ooh, i juz love cam-whoring with Jac's hp.. Hahaha.. I'm such a geek..

2006-05-26T19:47:00.000+08:00

Some things we cannot mentioned tht whether we know some1's dark past, cuz we'll dun wanna hurt any1, whether it's your family members, your best friends, your crush, your love ones or whoever whose close to you. I learn 1 big thing, tht is to SHUT up.

Let it be.

Cuz obviously i, you or whoever tried to gave a warning won't do anythin good, it's up whether the person believe it or not. I won't listen till i know the truth, for the sake of my love one's happiness, i wouldn't want to ruin it, it's good to know, but juz be aware and be there for the person when he or she needs you by his or her side. Listen to wad the person has to say, be the person's listenin ear and u feel comfortable and gr8 juz being by his or her side. And he or she will be to.. Tht's wad i learnt.

If you guys think I'm crappin, obviously i hav no idea whether i am. Haha.. But it's juz somethin tht came out from me.. Juz need to let it out..

When the moment i hear ur name,

The presence are still the same,

Wad other choice tht i can make?

Wad other "great surprises" can i take?

You are a person which juz simply ambiguous,

I got simply mistaken of your ways and tht's dangerous.

I got myself entangled with your sweet talk illusions,

You twisted my thoughts and held me in confusion.

When the day comes tht you'll learn the truth,

As they said wad comes around goes around juz don't make the wrong move.

As your close friend I may not tell u wad's happenin now,

But when the day you'll need me, I'll be here somehow.

Reckon by: Muhammad Hilmi

Hope you guys like the poem..

2006-05-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hmm, juz somethin came in my mind... So yah.. Day's ok today, never felt better.. Should be a better smile on my face... I'm happy... For no reason..

Juz to let u know,
It's hard for me,
But it's time for u to go,
So now i can let u be free,
Although i've kept u in this heart of mine,
I over-reacted so much tht i crossed the line,
All i want, is to see u hav tht smile on ur face,
Let this feelins of mine vanished without a trace.
If 1 day we'll meet again,
I'm sure I'll be happy to see you till i go insane.
I guess things should turn out this way,
Till next time, I'll hope to meet you another day.

Reckon by: Muhammad Hilmi

2006-05-18T16:59:00.000+08:00

Wad u guys think of this pic?? Honestly? Do i look chubby? Hahaha.. Well, The Noches outin was really fun, thanks guys for the belated presents. I got $20 vouchers of HMV and Topman!! Haven't really used it actually.. Hahaha.. Well there's no expiry date for thing i think.. But guys thanks for the present.. I really appreciate it.. Anyways, Naha, Khai, Afiq and Sid was surprised to see me, my new look i guess.. My hair i think.. Hahaha.. God knows wadsup with them tho.. Anyways, some1 even say i look more healthier and look more happier and of course chubbier, so i better off jual anggur (another wood for sellin grapes and also meanin of shake leg being jobless hahaha!).. Of course, been stuffin myself with junk food and wadeva food i feel like eating..

Anyways, tht pic was recently taken on Monday, so yah, i dunno how different i look but i guess i look ok i think.. Another note to look for, Kur and the rest of the ppl who read me blog, my selfish sister go and take my phone away, so now, phoneless again.. Hahaha.. Well i still kept the same number if u ask me.. 81781998.. But dun worry, I'll keep u guys updated when i got my phone..

Guess wad dwarf i am? Bashful.. Yes u heard me.. I'm bashful.. Why??? I dunno how to be shy, I'm so damm thick skinned la.. At werk especially last time.. Hahaha.. But wad to do, my director already give me tht role, so juz make do with it then.. Anyways, my role only got 2 lines, so no worries.. Most of it are actions only.. Hahaha.. Wonder how shy i look like then.. Hahaha.. I wanna watch Over The Hedge!! It's a damm cool movie.. Hahaha.. Love tht squirrel.. Hahaha..

Ok if u guys wanna say abt tht pic, say ok, u wanna say how cute i am, juz TAG TAG TAG ok.. HAHAHA.. You see wad i mean by thick-skinned.. Cheerios.. Dalilah, thanks for the nice entry tht u put inside ur blog.. It's really damm sweet.. Aww.. And ya, thanks for hearing me out my cries.. Thanks girl.. Love ya lots!

PS: As u noticed i leave a poem everytime i finish an entry, well juz to let u know, tht poem wasn't really written on paper, but it juz came out from my head while i'm typin my entries.. Juz answerin ur curiosities tht's all..

The day u went away,
There's no presence of u around.
As the day i go astray,
i can no longer be found.
Maybe it hurts so bad,
The Things tht u say now sounds like a threat.
Smiles on my face are all fake and sad,
U felt completely cluessless and u know u hurt me like crap..
U were in my situation before and u overcome it somehow,
I'm like the 1 whose in ur shoes in ur past right now.
Maybe somehow this is life and we hav to get over it,
But it won't be easy for a person like me cuz tht's all bullshit.

Reckon by: Muhammad Hilmi

2006-05-16T21:02:00.000+08:00

Hi guys! juz wanna say got a part as a dwarf in Snow White & Seven Dwarfs.. Hahaha.. Cool huh? Yupz.. The cast this year is quite a lot and i think there's better talents.. Seriously.. Hahaha.. Well, as my director, Dennis says tht, for the role for dwarfs hav to be better and more interactive. Not only tht, we can't stand when we act as dwarfs but we hav to like squat and walk.. Tht of cuz is gonna be a challenge. Dennis said to me "I think u gonna look cute being a dwarf." Hahaha.. Thanks dennis..

Anyways, i wanna say million thanks to Calvin who brought me to a bdae treat on Friday.. Thanks man.. Hahaha.. And Rosie and of course Danny for the late night movie.. Hahaha.. I'm lookin for the costume premier for X3.. I'm sure it's gonna be fun!! Hahaha.. Can't wait to see X3.. I lioke!! Hahaha.. So Danny boy, keep me updated ok, hahaa.. Zaid finally get to know my drama mama friends, Rosie and Danny.. Hahaha.. Thanks Zaid for the treat as well the other time.. Hahaha.. Who I'm gonna Impersonate? Well, Danny suggested i should be Cyclops.. But i can't grow a stubble guys?? How am i suppose to do tht? hahaha..

Speakin of X-men i got to this webbie, and got to watch 7 mins of the sneak peek.. Cool.. Jean grey and her very gorgeous lookin costume is so WOW... I get to see her being so evil.. Nice.. I lioke.. Another movie lookin forward to watch is SILENT HILL... Hahaha.. Not a fan of horror but it makes me wanna watch it! Any1 up for tht? Characters and effects are really cool.. So whoever wanna watch tht, please inform me ok!! Hahaha.. Then we can scream the hell out of each other when we watch it! I hope it's not R21.. Cuz it's damm violent.. Hahah..

Btw, using my sister's Sony Ericsson W800i i think.. so haven't top up my prepaid yet, but u guys can msg me tho.. Finally got a phone!! Hahaha.. Anyways, the Noches are revived again!! Finally tomolo get to see my old buddies tht i used to hang out with! hahaha.. I'll get the pics updated ok.. Went back to werk earlier todae to return my uniform.. Ah Siong was like sayin, "eh your hair now different already ah.. longer and stylo now.." How true is tht? i dunno.. But thanks Kur for tht pinch, bloody bitch u.. hahaha.. Am i a person who always got pinched and nice to be pinched at?? Hahaha.. Lala, when i see u at Suria Segar on Sunday i was laughin like shit.. Hahaha.. No apparent reasons.. And wad the hell, i saw michelle in the early mornin on a live tv talk show.. Michelle, u sucks!! Hahaha.. Thank god i left tht place!! Hahaha..

Is it true?
That now u make me look like a fool.
I'm trapped in a darkness which has no opening light,
Juz like a person who juz lost his sight.
I dun mean anythin to you no matter how hard i tried,
How many days and how many nights tht i've cried.
Losing a person like you means a lot to me,
Maybe u never had feelins at all from wad i can see.
To be over u is wad i hate to do,
It's juz really a waste tht i already lost you..

Reckon by: Muhammad Hilmi....

2006-05-15T14:30:00.000+08:00

Ok every1! Latest pics Updated.. Enjoy my vainy pics.. Hahaha..

2006-05-12T09:44:00.000+08:00

Ok it's official, I'm a very old adult now in my family.. Hahaha.. I've juz turn 19.. This is me reportin at 0954 hours 12 May 2006. Had a so-so bdae with my family even though certain family matters came up while havin dinner.. My sentiments were right after all.. The uneasy feelin did came true.. I spend the whole day ytd at home doing nothin.. My bdae, doing nuthin..
She asked me to make myself free and i hav no idea wad's in store for me, seriously, till the 2045 hours came, we went to a hawker centre to hav dinner with my aunt, dad, my mum, and my beloved siblings.

I was a bit happy tht time.. It's not tht i dun appreciate it but i spend the whole day ytd doin nuthin.. I should hav at least go out with my frens, and i purposely cancelled my plans juz to go out with my family.. So last night there was some kind of "Family Discussion" around the conversation.. 1 of it is becuz my brother whose only primary 5 admits tht he doesn't wanna go school anymore.. He's too lazy to do schoolwork..All he did was watch tv and play with his wadeva crazy imagination tht he has.. As i recalled when i was little, i think my brother is worst than me!! He's really a damm liar la.. And when i was young, if i lied, i'll see bruises on my body which was from my dad.. He's really lucky.. And he doesn't know how me and my sis last time got caned so bad for lying.. I tried to pep talk to him but he's like showin "the i cannot be bothered face" Wad the fuck right? He's really the pain in the ass.. I'm not really close to my brother.. We're like rivals to each other.. He hates me a lot..

Anyways, last day of werk the other time was really memorable even tho i can't get to see the people tht i wanted, such as Kelvin and Kur.. But it was really fun, i leave tht place with good memories, even tho dark clouds surrounds the place, but there are smiles tht shines the place.. I wanna say many thanks to all of u, Lala, Moz, Fiza,Tina, Tammy, Kur, Crystal, Kelvin. I love you guys so much, oh ya, Tina thanks for the Teddy Bear u got for me, it's really cute and adorable.. Hahhaa.. Ou Yang, Wei Neng and Desmond, thanks for the good food tht u guys cooked for me for the past months when i'm havin my staff meals.. U guys rawks man!! I'm gonna miss my Mexican Chicken and Penne Ham.. Hahaha.. I'm gonna miss Choc Indulgence and Apple Crumble.. Those cakes are like Yummy! Ok Ah Siong cut my hair, i mean not really cut but juz part of it as to say tht I'm old!! Hahaha.. To think tht they wanted to do voodoo on me.. Hahaha.. And not only tht, they sabotage me by makin drink this disgustin drink, wadeva it is, it's disgustin.. Hahaha..

Ok, when we were celebratin, tears of joy came out from my eyes.. Hahaha.. I'm such a cry baby.. But seriously.. I'm gonna miss the people there! I really love them a lot..

But no worries, Tammy made me promised tht I've to come down as least once a week.. Hahaha.. So might be coming down.. And to Kur, if u hav to werk a lot of bombastic hours, i wanna say sorry ok.. Hahahaha.. So far tht's the 2nd bdae i celebration i had from my colleagues.. Thanks guys! Muacks!

I purposely waited for awhile hopin you might say it,
The candle tht has been blown it can no longer lit,
As i figured u hav forgot,
This shows tht u dun care, a lot...
Maybe seein you again, it not a good idea,
Cuz whenever tht happens you make my heart on fire.
Should i or should i not leave you alone?
Maybe it's a good thing tht i lost my phone.
I need to get out of this flickering light,
I hope you'll come back to me 1 day when the time is right..

Take care..

2006-05-12T09:26:00.000+08:00

The group photo was taken when i watched CeMTA's latest production, i think it was somewhere in April, 1st photo from left: Zul, Hon Mun, Nurul, Indayani and Me!!

The Third photo from left:Zul, Huda, Hon Mun, Rosie, Nurul and Yani! Hahaha! It's like the CeMTA reunion tht time.. Hahaha..

The 1 sittin next to me with tht green shirt, tht's Eek!! I wanna say thanks for accompanyin me to watch the play, sorry if i took too much of ur time the other day.. And tht's me and Yani again.. Hahaha! More and more of my pics!

2006-05-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

Ok i finally put up my tag board! Hav fun with the tag board ok guys..

Ok, juz let u all know, for those of u readin this, i juz wanna say i lost my hp.. It was stolen..
I hope the mutherfucker who stole it whether he or she, i hope he or she won't be able to produce fine and nice babies.. Hahaha!! Ok, I'm being so mean now.. Ya, cuz I believe there's no such thing as People would return ur phone if they found it.. But in my case, it was stolen. How?
Where? When? Fuck the details.. I dun feel like sayin anythin here.. But i hope the culprit will die in a freak accident..

Ok i am not very happy with my werk place, i hav to agree with Kur, our werk place is no longer fun to work at.. It's juz unhealthy.. U know why? I tell u why, i requested to werk from 10-6 so at least i can get off early and celebrate my bdae with my close frens.. I actually planned to meet up with Sharifah, my very close fren from Primary school and also a very remarkable childhood fren of mine.. She never missed my bdae at all.. And I'm happy with tht.. Thanks Sha.. Anyways, i hav to cancel at the very last minute cuz I'm werkin full shift. Well on tuesday I'm werkin 10-10 and wed also 10-10.. Obviously i'm not enjoyin my bdae week.. But no worries.. Wednesday will be my last day there..

On my bdae day itself, i sense some uncertainty going on inside my family.. Uncertainty, nervousness, feelin blue, juz doesn't seem right.. Wad does she really mean? "We need to talk abt who's going with who?" I'm like shiverin, tears in my eyes as i listened to her voice on the phone.. Is she going for real? Going there and not comin back? Why does this has to happen on tht day? I want to be happy, but i can't. I dun want it to be crappy, cuz there won't be any fun..
Wad does she really mean? She's freakin me out...

My eyes were in pain, My head's going insane,
Wad is this retribution i've gain?
I'm not even sure tht I'm in the right lane.
The world is juz small and round,
Yet, U're the only person tht can be found.
But to be with you was somethin tht has been bound,
It's not as easy as it sounds.

Somethin i juz typed it out of my own for the poet above.. I know i know i ain't tht very good in poetry, juz wanna type it out for the my own sake..

Ok, I'm involved with The SAF.. Not Singapore Armed Forces! Singapore Arts Festival.. Yup, I'm in again.. Gonna be a Stage Manager and also will be actin as well.. Hahaha.. I actually dun wanna act but my director want me to act tho.. Hahaha.. I guess it'll be fun.. The title is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.. Yup.. Definitely I'm NOT the Snow White!! Duh!! Wad are u guys thinkin man!! Hahaha!! Prince?? Definitely not!! Hahaha.. I'm too ugly and too geeky to be the Prince. I'll be the dwarf of course.. Hahhaa.. Might be Dopey i guess.. Hahaha.. Our target is own kids definitely.. Same thing as Peter Pan last year.. That's the other reason I give up Secret Recipe. I gng to acting again. So the commitment and passion muz be there.. Haha..

Anyways, i hav a really good time ytd with Zaid, Khair, Sheila and Azizah.. We were celebratin Khair's Bdae!! It was totally cool.. We went to East Coast Park.. It was really unexpected cuz ytd i got nowhere to go, and it was my luck tht i called Zaid and he actually said tht he tried to call me and celebrate Khair and mine as well!! Hahaha.. He bought a cake.. Blackforest cake from Prima Deli i think.. Hahaha.. Even tho, i dun fancy blackforest tht much, but at least i got a taste of it. Hahaha.. Of cuz, cake smashin here and there.. And also at least i got to unwind all my probs at East coast with all the cyclin and all tht with them.. It's ok tht u guys hav no presents for me, but at least i got to celebrate with some of my group of frens.. Thanks guys.. Really appreciate it man..

And Md Nor's Bdae party was awesome!! Hahah! Got to see Anita again after 2 years.. She's like so plum now.. Hahaha.. No offense gerl.. Got to see Gabby and Casie as well.. Every1 do change a lot.. Hahaha.. The Notty or Nice party was heatin up there.. Hahaha.. I was of course nice, but the hunky 1 there.. Hahaha.. Why? Cuz they say so.. Cuz i was like so slack.. So I'm the Slack Hunky Angel there.. Hahaha.. Idil's costume is really cool, like a reall devil.. Spare u guys the details la.. Hahha.. Danny's costume is way cooler.. Hahaha. Why? Cuz he got wings!! Juz like the X3 character Angel.. Hahaha.. It was really cool.. Looks like a halloween party to me.. Md Nor Dressed as a Dracula! Hahaha.. Kwakwakwakwa.. Evil... Hahaha.. I'm so envy will all these cool parties.. I can never hav 1 of my own.. Hiaz..

But wadeva it is! Happy Bdae to Md Nor, Khair and a very belated bdae to MOONIE.. I hope she's readin this.. Well till next time guys.. Adios..

2006-05-04T02:24:00.000+08:00

Omg! Wad the hell am i still doin here now? It's already like 0223 hours? Why up so late? Change template again.. Hahaha.. I hate to do tag box.. It's simply so stupid cuz i already using my ID and they say "no user found".. Wad the Fuck!! Hahaha.. Anyways, watchin The OC now, wad the hell, season 3 it's not shown yet on TV.. damm u Mediacorp.. Hahaha! So wad hav i been doin?

Guess wad, I'm leavin my Job!! Yeah!! Yes Kur and Rilla, i know u guys gonna freak out but yah, i decided to leave the place.. For good.. Why? Personal Reasons.. Dun wanna mention.. Gonna keep it to myself.. Things been botherin inside my head.. Thinkin of some1, tryin to forget abt tht but it keeps botherin.. Hiaz! Why do i feel this way?? Hahaha.. Maybe i was thinkin too much. Muz clear off my mind.. Things at werk being so like "hectic". I felt like it's no longer a place where u call "fun" to werk at.. Trust me seriously.. Last day will be on the 10th so yeah.. Kur and Rilla, i know u're readin this, but my mind really made up..

I love u guys, Tina, Tammy, Rilla, Fiza, Crystal, Salmi and of course Kelvin! You guys are always my favourite! And it's been nice werkin with u guys, even i've been called "Sloppy" wadeva shit tht is, tht ass-hole wanna say me, i hope in any ways, u guys forgive me if I'm being so Vulgar with u guys.. Hahaha.. As always, we always joked around with all those F words and C words flyin aroun. Hahaha..

Kur, I always loved being disturbed by you and i love u so much.. Sorry in anyway tht i offend u tht u like Nazrul and all the Nonsense.. Hahaha..

Tammy, thanks for being such a sweet-talker, you always find a way to give compliments juz to make my day.. I love u!

Tina, my very 1st crush in SR, i hope u strive thru ur studies ok, dun stressed out with things in life ok, part of growin life, though it can be hard but u have to learn by crossin all the hurdles one step at a time.. You go gerl..

Kelvin, Thanks for being such a gr8 bro to me at werk, I'm gonna miss gossipin with u.. Hahaha.. And thanks for sharing with me abt ur life..

Lala, from PS till MS, it's really been psychotic werkin with u, shared with some "eye candies" if u know wad i mean.. Hehehe.. I lioke.. Hahaha!

Crystal, I'm gonna miss ya for sure darlin, i wish u all the best during the interview and NUS ok.. I hope u can through it.. All the best gerl!

The Kitchen staffs, only 3 words to say, U guys rawks!! Hahaha!

I hav no plans for next week obviously.. Hahaha.. Werk on Tuesday and wednesday werk mornin.. Hahaha.. So sianz.. Hahaha.. So tht will be my last day..

PS: Hav a safe trip and come back safely ok, hope u enjoy ur time there and shop till u drop ok man! See u when i see u again..